Archive for the ‘Loving Yourself’ Category
Better Relationships Between Dads and Sons
We women want good men!
It’s not unreasonable. I’m sure blokes want good women to share their lives with too.
But how do “good men” get to be good men?
By effective relationships with a significant man in their life as they grow, develop, and mature. And by powerful modelling by good men.
Good men are just ordinary men trying to do their best, be self-aware, and be prepared to admit when they’re wrong, and seek knowledge when they recognise they got a gap there!
They’re men trying to be the best they can be. And like all of us, they’re flawed. They get it right sometimes and wrong sometimes.
And guys there’s nothing more sexy than a good man admitting he needs advice or help.
So if our sons are to turn into good men they need relationships of depth and love with their father (for preference).
And they need ordinary men to try be the best good men they can be.
I am watching with delight as Pete Aldin author of Freaked Out Fathers takes on what I have always known was his mission in life – to help ordinary men be the best good men they can be. And help those ordinary/good men build effective communicative relationships with their sons.
- If you (or your partner) are an ordinary man wanting to be the best good man you can be AND
- If you have sons
Then go visit these sites over at Pete’s website Great Circle
He’s currently offering
Dads and Lads Retreat weekends (for kids aged 11-13 and Dads of any age)
Covering All Bases a program for Dads (delivered by telesminar in the comfort of your home)
and Mini Pitstop (for Dads of sons aged 1-4)
There is much advice for us as general parents but little that focuses on building Dad’s confidence in their fathering and providing skills to help Dads build greta relationships with their sons. Pete is the right man to deliver this.
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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook. I add a Relationship Tip there every day.
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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.
If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.
Relationship Advice for the Holiday Season
Good relationship advice comes from lots of sources and I love being your Google for better relationships! I figure that better relationships can come from gathering not just my thoughts but many others as well.
Suzanne Falter-Barns has some thought-provoking advice for looking after YOU in the midst of those who might not “get” the life you choose to live.
I am always reminding clients that there is no such thing as a fully functional family. We all have our glitches. Even when you love your family unconditionally, you don’t have to like the behaviours some members sometimes choose to demonstrate! And sometimes those behaviours can be comments or attacks that will hurt and leave us raw.
So let’s see how Suzanne comes at the problem …
How to Protect a Fragile Platform at Dysfunctional Family Get-Togethers
A holiday reprint of one of my most popular articles…
OK, it’s the holidays. And with the holidays come family. And with family comes either buckets of love and support for your dream … or a certain coolness.
It’s not that all family members mean to be intentionally rude; it just may be that they can’t relate to what you’re up to. Could be you’re the ‘creative one’ in the family, and they just don’t get why you had to quit your job in banking to be a life coach who works nights at Starbucks. And yes, sadly enough, there may be certain family members who are simply jealous – especially if you’re successful doing what you love and they’re not.
You can protect this very important thing you are meant to do. Think of your platform as a tiny, newborn child — one who will thrive, but only if you give it proper nurturing and protection.
May I offer some tips for taking care of your dream baby over the holidays? Top of the season to you!
- Remember that you’re not around to live up to anyone else’s expectations … save for you own. A little affirmation to that end can be really useful when up against it. Try repeating a key phrase to yourself if the going gets really rough, like “I’m more than enough, just the way I am.”
- Hold your work as sacred. After all, it really is sacred, right? If you want to make sure, give it this test: At the end of your life, will you be proud of your dream accomplishments … or filled with regret?
- Interpret criticism, jealousy, and sarcasm as a good sign. It means you’re pushing buttons and sounding true. Not only that, it means you’re making a difference. Small thinkers do find that especially annoying.
- Don’t snipe back — rise above it. Save your energy for the important stuff … like your platform. And make a point of avoiding anyone who has a habit of attacking you or your work. Simply head off to get more eggnog.
- Try a little empathy. Those who take issue often lack a dream themselves. But don’t waste too much time feeling sorry for them – you’ve got work to do!
- Assume a happy mask of detachment. Think like a seasoned customer service pro who is dealing with one of life’s ‘difficult customers’. Remember, their angst is their problem, not yours. (This goes for those who snipe and attack, as well as the obsessive worriers and the non-stop advice givers.)
- Stop hoping for acceptance. Chances are it simply won’t come from some corners… and that’s OK. (See point #1.) Ultimately, being loved by every soul on the planet is not what matters … nor is it even possible.
- Don’t be smug. You don’t have to be — you’ve got the joy of doing your dream!
- Go have a good primal scream when you’re alone. If you’re in an apartment building or have nearby neighbors, close doors and windows and scream into the pillows on your bed. Scribbling with a big black marker on a big blank pad is marvellously satisfying as well.
- Remember to breathe. You really are doing just what you’re meant to be doing.
- Find an ally. For every negative voice in your life, there should be at least one bona fide cheerleader, as well. Get these folks on your side, and make sure you can contact them whenever you need support – and, of course, offer to provide the same for them.
- Limit your contact with the nay-sayers. Who needs ‘em? Just smile and move on … hey, you’ve got your dream to keep you company!
© Copyright Suzanne Falter-Barns
Learn how to get known so you can not only find your biggest audience but you can attract calls from major media and publishers. Check out Suzanne’s freebie, The Platform Jump Starter, at www.getknownnowblog.com
5 Ways to Enjoy Life More
Thanks to the very first Business Mums Network a couple of years ago, I listened to a terrific Keynote Speaker in Sandi Givens.
It's thanks to Sandi that I am still quoting to myself (and all I come across) "Done is Better Than Perfect!". It was just SO RIGHT for me!
Ever since, I have continued to receive Sandi's newsletters, and was so taken with a recent feature article that I emailed her for permission to reprint. (We've since got to know each other through her enthusiastic support for the Phoenix Lunches!)
So I want all my readers to have a chance to read it too! I Hope you find it as useful as I did!
5 Ways to Enjoy Life More
In the past few months, several clients have asked me to deliver my Work/Life Balance presentation and workshops for their staff. At each presentation, I've been startled by the huge number of people who seem disheartened, dissatisfied and disconnected from life. People have told me they merely get up in the morning, go to work, return home to more jobs to do (pay bills, grocery shopping, laundry, etc.) … only to wake up the next day to the very same routine.
"I never seem to get the chance to really enjoy myself anymore! If only there was more time…". An all-too common lament.
The 'bad' news is there will never be more time. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks in the year for as many years as the cards deal to us. That's all we're going to get.
The good news is that there are ways of experiencing more enjoyment during that time. Here are five of them:
1. Commit to having time for yourself
There are 3 keys to making this work for you. The first is to schedule an amount of time that you believe is feasible. If an hour within the next week sounds totally impossible for you, what would be possible? Thirty minutes? Ten minutes? Five? (If 5 minutes truly is your limit, then I urge you to have a long holiday and give serious thought as to why this is so!) Whatever amount of time you set, you need to be able to see/feel/believe that it is truly attainable – otherwise, your lack of conviction may in fact ensure your negative belief proves to be true (ie. the time for yourself won't happen). So, set a realistic goal.
Secondly, plan an activity for this time that is truly enjoyable for you. If that's talking on the phone with a friend, gardening, exercising or shopping – fine, as long as you are doing it for your enjoyment and not because you feel you have to or 'should'!
The final key is best explained by an analogy. Recall a time when you planned to something with a friend and for very good reasons had to renege on your agreement. How did you feel? When I ask people on my seminars this, they reply with "guilty", "awful", "like a terrible friend" and other phrases along this theme. Now think of a time when you planned to spend time with yourself and for good reasons needed to change your plans. How do you feel then? Most people reply with "disappointed", "resigned" and "oh well, maybe another time".
Notice the difference? I believe it's time we feel as badly about letting ourselves down as we do when we let others down. And just as we would reschedule with our friend (rather than cancel altogether), we need to grab our diaries and block out this same amount of time next week. Be gentle with yourself – and stay committed!
2. Know your Values and Priorities
In the 'big picture' of your life, what's important to you? Family? Health? Job Security? Being creative?
Your values and how you rank them are linked to having a sense of purpose in what you do. If you value freedom and autonomy and work for an extremely traditional, hierarchical company, you may notice how 'purposeless' it feels to wake up to that alarm clock every morning. Where an individual's values are in conflict with their employer's (or the industry or profession in which they work), there is likely to be little experience of job satisfaction or enjoyment.
If this rings true for you, please don't resign immediately! Develop a medium to long term plan to move into employment and/or other activities that are aligned with your values. It may take a while, but it is well worth it.
3. Create a "Fun List"
Grab a sheet of paper (or several) and let your mind go wild! Free or expensive, easy or complex – all ideas are needed!
Maybe the idea of walking in the rain without an umbrella appeals to you. What about a long, luxurious bath? A night at home with a good video and bottle of wine? When did you last relax in a park and look at 'cloud pictures' in the sky?
Record all ideas that come to mind. Put the list somewhere you can see it every day and commit to doing at least one thing from this list once a week (or once a fortnight – remember, it has to be feasible for you). Ah … pure joy! (By the way – if you have a partner, this can be a great activity for you to do together.)
4. Add Pleasure to Activities
We all have things in our life that definitely wouldn't be on our Fun List – but they still need to be done!
Explore ways of making these things more enjoyable. I don't mind ironing too much if I can watch a good movie while I do it. Music to match my mood (or my desired mood!) invariably accompanies the ritual of bill-paying.
Pleasure can also be added by 'doing a deal' with yourself. After 30 minutes of working on your Tax Return, allow yourself to relax with a book for 20 minutes. Finish that report for work, then enjoy a coffee with a friend. The more your reward is something you wouldn't normally treat yourself with, the more motivating this can be.
Similar to this, permit yourself to do those bigger (or really unpleasant) tasks in bite-sized chunks. I confess – I
used to be a very "al
l or nothing" kind of person. If I can't complete all that filing in one 'sitting', I'm very resistant to even start it!
My husband taught me the 'chunking approach' to housework. I used to go crazy seeing the vacuum left in the hallway with only 2 rooms cleaned – and discover him reading a book on the sofa! Now if you visit our home and find cleaning materials in the lounge, it's just as likely me who left them there!
5. Perform Random Acts of Kindness for Others
We know how wonderful it feels to receive an unexpected bit of helpfulness. Good hotels do this well. On a recent business trip, I was having breakfast in the hotel restaurant for only the second time. What a delight when the waiter came over and poured some tea for me, remembering my preference from the day before.
It's equally (if not more) delightful to initiate these pleasantries. Want to surprise someone? Here are some ideas that might help you get started! Put money in an expired parking meter. Hold a door open for someone struggling with parcels. Help someone get a product from a high shelf in the supermarket. Let someone who appears in a hurry go in front of you in a queue.
Got the idea? As you can see, random acts of kindness need not cost a cent. But they can be virtually guaranteed to add value to the receiver's day and pleasure to yours.
A wise person once said "I may not be here for a long time, but I am definitely here for a good time!" So do your best to enjoy all that you do!
© 2009 Sandi Givens and Knowledge-Able Pty Ltd. All Rights Reserved.
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Sandi Givens – Professional Member, Past President (Vic) and Speaker of the Year 2004 (Vic), National Speakers Association of Australia
Author, Facilitator and Executive Women’s Coach
Leading expert in Teams & Leadership, Attaining Work/Life Balance and Women’s Development.
For more details, free information and to preview Sandi as a speaker for you and your team, please visit www.sandigivens.com.au
Sinking Into The Calm at The Calm Space
One of my many commitments is to contribute a monthly article to Karen Wallace’s The Calm Space e-magazine. My little corner of the magazine is called The Relationship Space and I love getting to share my thoughts in this peaceful place.
Karen truly is the Queen of Calm and the growing list of contributors she has gathered around her since the October launch has been fascinating and just builds the sense of a haven that The Calm Space has become. She chooses wisely so that we women get to enjoy the many ways we can gain some freshness and calm in our lives.
This month’s edition has hit the blogosphere. 
Have a look at the magazine and if you like it, sign up to receive email notification when it "hits the streets". From then on you are in the subscriber’s monthly prize draw. This month’s prize is donated by the newest contributor and offers two vouchers for organic skin and beauty products. Yum! Indulgence!
Like any magazine you can pick it up for a browse for a minute or two and come back when you have another spare moment. It certainly maximises the chill-out quotient of taking a minute or two for YOU! As Karen describes it, it’s:
"like a virtual day-spa for your senses… decadent, informative,
relaxing, a real no-mobile-phones-allowed kind of escape where you can
chill for a minute or an hour and emerge refreshed and ready to face
anything your day throws at you!"
Do you keep secrets?
I was having an interesting conversation with a few gorgeous men the other day.
We were talking about secrets and half-truths (lies).
There were divided opinions on the degree of truth that it was important to share with our partner, or anyone for that matter! Appropriate percentages were batted around!
Having watched people I cared about destroyed by the discovery of family secrets like adoption, I tend towards seeing secrets as destructive.
I think the very fact of hiding something influences our every behaviour and every word. And subtly the people we deal with can tell, and distrust just grows!
So when I saw this article by Karen Salmansohn author of Be Happy Dammit, I thought you might be interested!
"If right now you are not telling someone the truth about a particular something, and you think you’re being dishonest to spare their feelings, chances are you’re being dishonest with yourself! Most people would rather know [more]
By the way, those blokes included my darling SweetP and the soon-to-be-bridegroom, my son Lovable Geek! And of course they’re gorgeous!
What's Valuable in Your Life?
Over at Take A Bite, I’ve been talking about values.
I was aiming the article at couples about to marry, or take on a more permanent relationship.
But then I realised many people struggle to get clarity about their personal values.
Pink Apple is planning a short group phone seminar to help you clarify your values. If you’d like to guarantee your spot in this small group, shoot me an email to be placed on the pre-registration list. (There’s no obligation if the date or time turns out to clash with another appointment.)
The Clayton's Makeover!
I got a Claytons Makeover last night!
Here in Australia, a long time ago (in a land, far, far away – oops sorry went all fairytale there for a moment!) there was an ad for a non-alcoholic mixer drink called Claytons.
The drink was pretty bloody awful as I remember, but the advertising campaign saw to it that Claytons (the drink you have when you’re not having a drink) entered and REMAINED in the language. At least for most of us BabyBoomers!
Well let’s get off non-alcoholic drinks and on to a networking event I went to last night. And no! I had NO wine!
Clever Chics, has a BAG (Big Audacious Goal). Clever Chics aspires to be the biggest women’s networking group in the world! I like a group who thinks small. 
That’s why I joined!
Currently they’re growing into the Melbourne Networking market and last night’s event was a Makeover Expo.
Catching up with old friends and meeting some new ones was mild in comparison with the highlight of my night – a makeup makeover!
The Big Reveal
But before we got to the lovely Jane Iredale makeup, Christine, from Cutters Club in Newport, applied an amazing Bags-Under-Your-Eyes-All-Gone kinda product.
This stuff is called Eyesential and I was stunned. I’d seen it being reported on one of the more tabloid-type current affairs programs and had been very dubious.
Shut Up about the Vanity, Guys!
Now for you blokes who poo-poo the kind of shallow, female, vanity that would have people worrying about bags under their eyes, I’d like to tell you I saw a couple of blokes sit down to have this stuff applied to their bags, and smiling as they looked in the mirror. So Raspberries to you!!!!!
The Sceptic Worm turns!
As a consumer, I’m often persuadable. However one area where I’m pretty resistant and strongly sceptical is the cosmetics front. As anyone who’s seen me in my track-pants (sweats) would have noted, I’m not all that bothered about what I look like. My morning makeup routine is very limited, and usually I’m lucky to get some lipstick on. So my cosmetics budget is pretty low!
But , once I’d seen just how much the shelves under my eyelids disappeared, I was SOLD! This time a little box of precious stuff came home with me!
Now for the drum roll,
Just before I left, the biggest makeover of all came my way, I won a door prize. (Yes another prize, I have done well this year.)
This was a voucher for BOTOX treatment.
(Ok, friends you can stop laughing NOW!!!)
The irony is amazing. Me and Botox were not exactly a mix I’d EVER have considered!
Will I use it? We’ll see …
