Your partner is NOT going to change just because you want a healthier relationship.  All humans are predominantly driven by an element of WIIFM.  What’s In It For Me?

The first step has to start with you.

When you make changes in your attitude, perspectives, awareness, and behaviour, that’s when the dynamics in your relationship start to change.

Your partner may make not one jot of change!  But still your relationship is different.  It may improve just because you are in a different head space.  Even if it doesn’t shift your partner’s attitudes, perspectives, awareness, or behaviour, you are still better informed about your relationship.  You’re in a better place to make informed decisions.

That’s why I regularly work with just one party in a couple relationship.  Because it’s amazing what can happen if you take back some sense of control or even if you “let go”.

... like ripples in a pool ...

Thanks to Karen Wallace from The Calm Space‘s recommendation, I was reading a simple blog post by Miki De Vivo of  The Still Space.

She wrote about how she made one change in her life and how it created a little win for her as a parent.  I loved how she sat with this little tiny win that perhaps only she would notice, and felt satisfied.  She knew it wasn’t world-shaking, but it just might shake HER world!

Wouldn’t you like that to happen in your world?   How much of a difference would it make if that little change was in your relationship?  How would that impact your happiness and contentment?

Like ripples in a pool, a  tiny attitudinal change can help you become less stressed about how your relationship is being shaken up by parenting, money woes, your sex life, sharing the chores, or even that intrusive Mother-In-Law!

Would you like to try it and see?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

It’s not unreasonable.  I’m sure blokes want good women to share their lives with too.

But how do “good men” get to be good men?

By effective relationships with a significant man in their life as they grow, develop, and mature.  And by powerful modelling by good men.

Good men are just ordinary men trying to do their best, be self-aware, and be prepared to admit when they’re wrong, and seek knowledge when they recognise they got a gap there!

They’re men trying to be the best they can be.  And like all of us, they’re flawed.  They get it right sometimes and wrong sometimes.

And guys there’s nothing more sexy than a good man admitting he needs advice or help.

So if our sons are to turn into good men they need relationships of depth and love with their father (for preference).

And they need ordinary men to try be the best good men they can be.

I am watching with delight as Pete Aldin author of Freaked Out Fathers takes on what I have always known was his mission in life – to help ordinary men be the best good men they can be.  And help those ordinary/good men build effective communicative relationships with their sons.

• If you (or your partner) are an ordinary man wanting to be the best good man you can be AND
• If you have sons

Then go visit these sites over at Pete’s website Great Circle

He’s currently offering

Dads and Lads Retreat weekends (for kids aged 11-13 and Dads of any age)

Covering All Bases a program for Dads (delivered by telesminar in the comfort of your home)

and Mini Pitstop (for Dads of sons aged 1-4)

There is much advice for us as general parents but little that focuses on building Dad’s confidence in their fathering and providing skills to help Dads build greta relationships with their sons.  Pete is the right man to deliver this.

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

What’s the best kissing memory of your whole life?

Do you believe that long languorous kisses only belong to new lovers?  Or in movies and TV Shows?

Do your long languorous kisses only belong in the bedroom, once you’re married/partnered? Or at least in the privacy of your own home?

Be honest!  Do long languorous kisses still have a regular place in your relationship? Do you at least do them in front of your kids?

What does a long languorous kiss mean to you?

I know it might seem like old Pink Apple has not had enough lip action, not played enough tonsil tiggy, and has generally resorted to getting her pleasures vicariously.  But it’s not true.  I’m perfectly happy with the kissing action in my life.  But my question is, are you?

Kissing is such a funny thing.

Do you remember your first ever romantic kiss?

Girls (and I guess boys) talk about it endlessly when we were teenagers.  I’m guessing that much adolescent (or pre-adolescent -sigh!) effort is put into becoming skilled at it.  How do you do it?  What about noses?  Who moves their head?  How do you breathe?  What about tongues?  It’s all so exciting, and just a bit scary.

We give it all kinds of names.  Snogging, pashing, necking, petting, smooching, sucking face.  Every era has a different name for it!

And then when we become partnered, kissing can become a perfunctory part of every day life.  There’s hellos and goodbyes, and sometimes not even that.  There’s birthday and Christmas kisses.  There’s kisses in the bedroom that are meant to send not-so-subtle messages.

But what happened to kissing for its own sake?

So recently I put one of my Relationship Tips up on the Pink Apple Facebook Fan Page and suggested a long languorous kiss just before you head out the door.

You see, it doesn’t take a lot to make you both stop and remember that this is your “Relationship” as much as it is your daily life.  Try surprising your partner with a long kiss just as you’re about to go out, and what happens?

Now if we assume you don’t suddenly decide to be late for the party and turn around and head for the bedroom…

What happens is that your surprised partner suddenly remembers who you are and why they love you.  The rest of your evening is spent with both of you just slightly distracted and with a secret smile hovering on their lips.  There’s hopes that perhaps the kissing may return when you get home.  You share a tiny little secret between you and the sense of connection between you is heightened.

They all sound like pretty good things for any relationship.

But, of course, you don’t necessarily need to be going out to break the monotony of daily life together, by injecting this spicy kiss into your twosome. It just needs to come at a time when your partner is least expecting it.  It needs to be a sexy kiss at a time when sex is not really an option.  Of course the point is to build some sexual tension/energy.

It could be the morning kiss as you depart for work that gets the long languorous touch!  Or maybe the one in the kitchen while you’re preparing dinner that evening (together of course!) That’s a good one because while your kids may protest at the “obscenity” of their parents being “yucky” or disgusting, the message you send about you as two people who love each other, is REALLY IMPORTANT!  It’s good modelling of positive relating.  And that’s one of your jobs as parents!

Or maybe, you want to be a bit more public and choose the escalator at the local shopping centre, or a lift!

Anyway you get the message …

And maybe you’ve even got some suggestions …

Feel free to leave a comment!

So my challenge to you is to give it a try and see what response you get!  Go slap a kiss on that partner of yours that will take his/her breath away.

Don’t forget to come back and tell us how it went!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert. If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

Even with sons in their 30s and a grandchild, I still struggle to believe I measured up as a mother!  I know that impacted on how I parented and how I related with my husband.

One of the most common triggers for conflict in a relationship will be persistent differences in parenting styles.  Those differences can leave one or other parent feeling like they are a "bad" mother or a "bad" father! 

We all need to support couples as they parent. It's a bloody hard job.  Sometimes It can seem like a thankless task. And how a couple parents their children impacts on us all as those children become adults in our communities!

In general, when you feel good about yourself and love yourself, it helps you bring positive vibes to your relationship.

So I was really interested to hear from Amanda Cox (aka Mad Cow over at Real Mums) who's been doing some research.  Here's what she shared with me.  It's very TELLING reading!

We recently conducted a survey on Mums and found (although we already knew!) that most Mums experience feelings of isolation, inadequacy and lack of support, and would really like a little bit of time out for themselves.

(Interestingly, all these issues are also the main contributing factors for postnatal depression)

Mums have expressed concerns that they feel like they’re doing a bad job at mothering, that they can’t do things “right”, that sometimes they yell or swear at their kids. And sometimes they don’t even like their kids!

They tell us they do things like finding finger painting, playing with trains/Barbie and listening to their kids really boring, they use the TV as a babysitter, and have messy houses. And they feel bad about it.

They tell us they want a break, to know that they’re not the only ones doing these sorts of things, and to feel “normal”. They tell us they need some non-judgemental, emotional support, tactics for dealing with kids that work in the REAL world, friendships and to feel less stressed and less guilty.

They tell us they want wine and chocolate.

They said lots of other things too.

And we listened!

We know that Mumming is hard, because we’re Mums, too. We also know that there’s far too much information out there, all focussed on how to deal with the kids, but nothing for us, and most of it is really hard to replicate in the real world without massive amounts of support. We know it’s hard to get out, catch up with friends, and connect in safe, supportive environments.

We know and understand what is missing … or is it?

Not anymore!

Bad Mother’s Club is launching on November 6th in Ascot Vale, Melbourne.

The Club will address ALL of these issues and more – lots more.

So in light of all that telling information, I'm going to be joining Amanda and other Mums at the dinner to launch Bad Mothers Club. 

Here's the details and here's the flyer!

Download Bmc flyer. 

Please join me in getting the word out to help mohers and our community at large?

It's a 3-course meal, wine, tea and coffee, giveaways, guest speakers and the chance to be the first to find out about the Bad Mother’s Club. And there WILL be wine and chocolate!

So give yourself permission to be fantastic just the way you are, kick back, connect with other Mum’s, have a few drinks and just have fun. BECAUSE YOU CAN!!! 

You will also have the opportunity to become a member of this very unique, yet supportive, inclusive and empowering Club.

Tickets are $87 per person – or you can grab yours for $67 (all inclusive) by booking your tickets NOW at http://badmothersclub.eventbee.com and entering code madcow-bmcl. These tickets are extremely limited, so be quick.

Bad Mother’s Club Launch -  7.30pm Friday November 6th at Prevale, 236 Union Road Ascot Vale

Bookings Are Essential … Book now http://badmothersclub.eventbee.com (or phone 0414 548 103)

Pass it on!