So let’s assume that like all humans, not every moment of your relationship is a blissful event.  (If it is I want to talk to you and get you secrets!)

What’s more, in your loving relationship, there’s probably the occasional little quarrel, the odd fight, a quick snipe or two, the rare screaming match, a few disagreements and sometimes war breaks out!

Have you ever come across someone who told you they don’t fight?

Did they share this interesting information with a slightly righteous posture?  Did they seem just a little smug?

Of course they may be telling the truth, they may both be extremely conflict averse!  The thought of conflict may terrify them out of their wits.  So much so that they would no more “go there” than they’d step on a landmine!  However that scenario has it’s own drawbacks which is a topic for some other day.

Just be reassured that most people in relationships fight – in some form – at some time!

And that’s perfectly OK!

There is nothing wrong with having a fight.

The only way it will harm your relationship is if you don’t heal the relationship after the conflict.

But sometimes fights get out of control don’t they?  (And no, I’m not necessarily talking about “fisticuffs” or domestic violence.  And probably not even emontional abuse!)

Sometimes you say things you don’t really mean!  And they’re out of your mouth before you’ve really put your brain into full gear!

After you’ve cooled down you may even forget you’ve said it.  But maybe those few words, are burned into your partner/mum/dad/friend/sister/s brain.  Seared there forever with the scar an endless irritant.

And all for what?  Was the fight worth creating that scar?  Did the topic really matter that much?  Was the poin THAT significant?

You see that’s why…

… the best relationship advice is to walk away.

And no I don’t mean stomp out of the room in a huff!  (One of Pink Apple’s occasional failings I’m afraid!  Usually accompanied by an oh-so-satisfying slamming of the door!)

I mean zip your lip for the millisecond that it takes to register that:

• you’re not actually in good control of your emotions
• you haven’t got the whole issue in perspective
• this is about a myriad of other small unconnected irritants
• this may not actually matter in 24 hours, next week or next year.

And then take a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath

Say something  like, “I know I need to gather myself together.  Can we come back to this when I’ve collected my thoughts and calmed down?  I really want to have this discussion, just not in this way!”

… and walk away and do just that!

Go take a walk around the block.  Go sit in the toilet and deep breathe for five minutes.  Go and channel the energy into something fruitful.  Just go …

… and come back later, just as you promised, and complete the discussion.  (And I don’t mean days/months/years later)

Try it and let me know how you get on?

In fact, if you have tried it either successfully or abysmally failing, share your thoughts and comments below!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

But, as we all know, one woman’s precious CAN be another woman’s crap, so it was a wee bit stressful and draining!

However, I made one very precious find almost by accident.

Tucked into an old, small, wooden cigar box, that must have belonged to my Dad many years ago, I found three letters in my father’s bold, beautifully-crafted, and unmistakeable handwriting.

Yeah! You guessed it. I opened them.

In my defence, I had some conscience.   It took me quite a while to pluck up the courage to go plundering my parent’s relationship.

But how glad I was!  As I sat there with tears pouring down my face (I’m even crying now as I recall it) I felt so blessed to have this little glimpse into their early and precious relationship.

Are you shocked …

… at me invading my parent’s privacy like that?

I’m sorry if I’ve gone plummeting in your estimation!  But now that Mum’s memory has gone, it’s us, her daughters, for whom these letters have become precious. So I have no doubt in my mind any more.  I did the right thing.  The contents of that wooden box are now even more precious!

But opening that box was such a grief-flooding moment.  I could feel the physical hurt in my chest, as I caught sight of Dad’s handwriting again, after so many years.

At the sight of  those letters lying in their simple wooden cradle, I just reacted. I HAD to touch those letters, those connections with the Dad I’d lost to death, and the Mum I was losing to a disease gobbling away at her brain cells, days by day.

I ran my fingertip over the writing on the envelope.

I’d never had the chance to have an adult relationship with my Dad, he died before we had a chance to get over the polar opposite positions of my adolescence and his old age.  So despite the intervening years, the yearning in me is still powerful.  I endlessly seek to know my father as a man, the way most people get to discover their parents once they become adults and parents themselves.

In that old cigar box, were three beautifully-scribed love letters, written by my Dad to my Mum in the mid-1940s around the time of their engagement.

It suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a war-time movie.   My mum and dad seemed to leap out of the photo albums and come to life, 40’s fashions and all!

I saw two people I knew so well in a totally new and different light – madly in love. I’d never seen signs of romance, open affection, or anything else overt between them.  This was a window into A Fine Romance, a war-time romance between a quiet shy man and his friend’s secretary.

In his letters, Dad talked of how much he missed being with her, how it felt to leave her, and how wonderful it felt to see her again.

They were simple messages.  Simple words.  But powerful emotion.

The joy and excitement of his love was there in the respectful words, the gentle, tender wooing, and the encouragement he gave her. Without even a hint of eroticism, his ardour and desire for her jumped off the page.

It left me thinking about my own relationship, and grateful that some day our children will find our love letters too.

What legacy of your love are you leaving?

What do you think your children will discover after they’ve buried you?

(What’s that?  Am I being a bit too confronting?  Sorry, but we NEVER know when death will separate us from our loved ones.  Hence why we need to love well – right now!)

The quick emails, and text messages that we tend to exchange now, won’t even exist. They’ll be gone into the technical ether.

Let’s get down to tin tacks here.  Have you ever written a love letter?

Have you ever received one? Do you remember what it felt like to receive it? When I receive a love letter, the rawness and vulnerability of the message of love will bring tears of gratitude and intense emotion.

Have you kept these precious love letters?

There’s a strong argument for not losing this old and cherished skill. That is, apart from the sheer joy of receiving love letters, of course.

How much poorer would the world be if Byron hadn’t written of his love? If Charlotte Bronte or Napoleon had used texts? If Elizabeth Barrett Browning or CS Lewis had whipped off a quick email?

Have I got you thinking?

So, what do you want your partner to know about your feelings?

How often do you convey that?

So what’s stopping you from saying those things in a love letter?

Are you scared of writing a love letter? Do you think letters are only for when someone is far away? Do you believe you’re not capable of flowery/romantic language, or even of writing a letter any more? Do you think your Significant Other will think you’re an idiot?

Go on, the challenge is out! I dare you to try it. Who needs wireless broadband when you’ve got a pen?

If I’m talking to the converted, why not add some extra impetus to my argument by sharing your story in the comments below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

What’s the best kissing memory of your whole life?

Do you believe that long languorous kisses only belong to new lovers?  Or in movies and TV Shows?

Do your long languorous kisses only belong in the bedroom, once you’re married/partnered? Or at least in the privacy of your own home?

Be honest!  Do long languorous kisses still have a regular place in your relationship? Do you at least do them in front of your kids?

What does a long languorous kiss mean to you?

I know it might seem like old Pink Apple has not had enough lip action, not played enough tonsil tiggy, and has generally resorted to getting her pleasures vicariously.  But it’s not true.  I’m perfectly happy with the kissing action in my life.  But my question is, are you?

Kissing is such a funny thing.

Do you remember your first ever romantic kiss?

Girls (and I guess boys) talk about it endlessly when we were teenagers.  I’m guessing that much adolescent (or pre-adolescent -sigh!) effort is put into becoming skilled at it.  How do you do it?  What about noses?  Who moves their head?  How do you breathe?  What about tongues?  It’s all so exciting, and just a bit scary.

We give it all kinds of names.  Snogging, pashing, necking, petting, smooching, sucking face.  Every era has a different name for it!

And then when we become partnered, kissing can become a perfunctory part of every day life.  There’s hellos and goodbyes, and sometimes not even that.  There’s birthday and Christmas kisses.  There’s kisses in the bedroom that are meant to send not-so-subtle messages.

But what happened to kissing for its own sake?

So recently I put one of my Relationship Tips up on the Pink Apple Facebook Fan Page and suggested a long languorous kiss just before you head out the door.

You see, it doesn’t take a lot to make you both stop and remember that this is your “Relationship” as much as it is your daily life.  Try surprising your partner with a long kiss just as you’re about to go out, and what happens?

Now if we assume you don’t suddenly decide to be late for the party and turn around and head for the bedroom…

What happens is that your surprised partner suddenly remembers who you are and why they love you.  The rest of your evening is spent with both of you just slightly distracted and with a secret smile hovering on their lips.  There’s hopes that perhaps the kissing may return when you get home.  You share a tiny little secret between you and the sense of connection between you is heightened.

They all sound like pretty good things for any relationship.

But, of course, you don’t necessarily need to be going out to break the monotony of daily life together, by injecting this spicy kiss into your twosome. It just needs to come at a time when your partner is least expecting it.  It needs to be a sexy kiss at a time when sex is not really an option.  Of course the point is to build some sexual tension/energy.

It could be the morning kiss as you depart for work that gets the long languorous touch!  Or maybe the one in the kitchen while you’re preparing dinner that evening (together of course!) That’s a good one because while your kids may protest at the “obscenity” of their parents being “yucky” or disgusting, the message you send about you as two people who love each other, is REALLY IMPORTANT!  It’s good modelling of positive relating.  And that’s one of your jobs as parents!

Or maybe, you want to be a bit more public and choose the escalator at the local shopping centre, or a lift!

Anyway you get the message …

And maybe you’ve even got some suggestions …

Feel free to leave a comment!

So my challenge to you is to give it a try and see what response you get!  Go slap a kiss on that partner of yours that will take his/her breath away.

Don’t forget to come back and tell us how it went!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert. If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

There’s no one simple action to miraculously change your relationship for the better.

But there are a million little things that, when combined, will make a big difference.

Today’s is a hug!

Here in Australia, hugs happen everywhere.

Some hug on arrival, some on departure, some even both.

Some hug at great news, some at great sorrow.

But there are some unwritten rules about social hugs.  The main one is that you don’t hang on for even a second longer than is appropriate!  It’s got to be a cursory hug.

So if that’s what you do in social settings, how do you hug your partner in life?

The same?

Why?????????????

Out of habit, that’s why!

But hey, would you “air-kiss” your partner? No!  Of course not.  So son’t social hug him/her either!

Tonight when you get home, try holding your hug for at least 3 seconds longer than normal.

Lean into that hug, feel where you’re touching him all along your arms.  Feel where he’s touching you along your body.  Be in the moment and soak it all uo.

Then let me know how good it was!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather get a short message from Pink Apple then become a Fan on FaceBook.  I’m adding a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert. If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

But surprisingly many of us struggle with giving or receiving compliments or both.

If you want the person you love to know you love them, then compliments need to be part of your daily relationship toolkit!

Let’s assume you know how to give a compliment.   (If you need some help send me an email, a FB message, or a DM on Twitter and I’ll send you a tipsheet.)

Let’s also assume you know how to receive one. (Yes that’s right, just say Thank you, is all!)

So what’s in for you to give compliments out (AT LEAST ONCE A DAY to your lover, kids, and friends and colleagues)?

Benefits of a Good Compliment Each Day.

1. More smiles in your day, improving everyone’s wellbeing.
2. The people around you feel respected and affirmed by you.
3. People around you whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation get a laser-like message of your affection and love.
4. Reignited romance in your love life, and who knows what benefits that might create!
5. Heightened co-operation in your family and household. The kids might even help with some chores!
6. With improved emotional wellbeing, comes improved physical well-being and reduced risks of physical illness and dependence on alcohol, cigarettes and overeating.
7. Leaving a legacy to the world of well-rounded, assertive, and compassionate children, and others, influenced by you.

Now that’s just a few benefits off the top of my head.  If you’ve got more suggestions, then send em to me and I’ll add em to the list.  Surely between us all we could come up with at least 50 BENEFITS TO COMPLIMENTS or even more!!!!

The challenge is on!  (Leave a Reply below and add a benefit!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather get a short message from Pink Apple then become a Fan on FaceBook.  I’m adding a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert. If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

Suzanne Falter-Barns has some thought-provoking advice for looking after YOU in the midst of those who might not “get” the life you choose to live.

I am always reminding clients that there is no such thing as a fully functional family.  We all have our glitches. Even when you love your family unconditionally, you don’t have to like the behaviours some members sometimes choose to demonstrate!  And sometimes those behaviours can be comments or attacks that will hurt and leave us raw.

So let’s see how Suzanne comes at the problem …

How to Protect a Fragile Platform at Dysfunctional Family Get-Togethers

A holiday reprint of one of my most popular articles…

OK, it’s the holidays. And with the holidays come family. And with family comes either buckets of love and support for your dream … or a certain coolness.

It’s not that all family members mean to be intentionally rude; it just may be that they can’t relate to what you’re up to. Could be you’re the ‘creative one’ in the family, and they just don’t get why you had to quit your job in banking to be a life coach who works nights at Starbucks. And yes, sadly enough, there may be certain family members who are simply jealous – especially if you’re successful doing what you love and they’re not.

You can protect this very important thing you are meant to do. Think of your platform as a tiny, newborn child — one who will thrive, but only if you give it proper nurturing and protection.

May I offer some tips for taking care of your dream baby over the holidays? Top of the season to you!

1. Remember that you’re not around to live up to anyone else’s expectations … save for you own. A little affirmation to that end can be really useful when up against it. Try repeating a key phrase to yourself if the going gets really rough, like “I’m more than enough, just the way I am.”
2. Hold your work as sacred. After all, it really is sacred, right? If you want to make sure, give it this test: At the end of your life, will you be proud of your dream accomplishments … or filled with regret?
3. Interpret criticism, jealousy, and sarcasm as a good sign. It means you’re pushing buttons and sounding true. Not only that, it means you’re making a difference. Small thinkers do find that especially annoying.
4. Don’t snipe back — rise above it. Save your energy for the important stuff … like your platform. And make a point of avoiding anyone who has a habit of attacking you or your work. Simply head off to get more eggnog.
5. Try a little empathy. Those who take issue often lack a dream themselves. But don’t waste too much time feeling sorry for them – you’ve got work to do!
6. Assume a happy mask of detachment. Think like a seasoned customer service pro who is dealing with one of life’s ‘difficult customers’. Remember, their angst is their problem, not yours. (This goes for those who snipe and attack, as well as the obsessive worriers and the non-stop advice givers.)
7. Stop hoping for acceptance. Chances are it simply won’t come from some corners… and that’s OK. (See point #1.) Ultimately, being loved by every soul on the planet is not what matters … nor is it even possible.
8. Don’t be smug. You don’t have to be — you’ve got the joy of doing your dream!
9. Go have a good primal scream when you’re alone. If you’re in an apartment building or have nearby neighbors, close doors and windows and scream into the pillows on your bed. Scribbling with a big black marker on a big blank pad is marvellously satisfying as well.
10. Remember to breathe. You really are doing just what you’re meant to be doing.
11. Find an ally. For every negative voice in your life, there should be at least one bona fide cheerleader, as well. Get these folks on your side, and make sure you can contact them whenever you need support – and, of course, offer to provide the same for them.
12. Limit your contact with the nay-sayers. Who needs ‘em? Just smile and move on … hey, you’ve got your dream to keep you company!

© Copyright Suzanne Falter-Barns

Learn how to get known so you can not only find your biggest audience but you can attract calls from major media and publishers. Check out Suzanne’s freebie, The Platform Jump Starter, at www.getknownnowblog.com