Archive for the ‘romance’ Category
Writing Your Way to a Better Relationship
A while ago we moved Mum into a nursing home. That meant cleaning out her house. Predictably for an elderly lady, there were lots of crap things. We knew that in amongst the crap, were bound to be things of sentimental value, antique value, and just plain precious to Mum for no reason we could think of! We had to try and honour all those things and be practical too!
But, as we all know, one woman’s precious CAN be another woman’s crap, so it was a wee bit stressful and draining!
However, I made one very precious find almost by accident.
Tucked into an old, small, wooden cigar box, that must have belonged to my Dad many years ago, I found three letters in my father’s bold, beautifully-crafted, and unmistakeable handwriting.
Yeah! You guessed it. I opened them.
In my defence, I had some conscience. It took me quite a while to pluck up the courage to go plundering my parent’s relationship.
But how glad I was! As I sat there with tears pouring down my face (I’m even crying now as I recall it) I felt so blessed to have this little glimpse into their early and precious relationship.
Are you shocked …
… at me invading my parent’s privacy like that?
I’m sorry if I’ve gone plummeting in your estimation! But now that Mum’s memory has gone, it’s us, her daughters, for whom these letters have become precious. So I have no doubt in my mind any more. I did the right thing. The contents of that wooden box are now even more precious!
But opening that box was such a grief-flooding moment. I could feel the physical hurt in my chest, as I caught sight of Dad’s handwriting again, after so many years.
At the sight of those letters lying in their simple wooden cradle, I just reacted. I HAD to touch those letters, those connections with the Dad I’d lost to death, and the Mum I was losing to a disease gobbling away at her brain cells, days by day.
I ran my fingertip over the writing on the envelope.
I’d never had the chance to have an adult relationship with my Dad, he died before we had a chance to get over the polar opposite positions of my adolescence and his old age. So despite the intervening years, the yearning in me is still powerful. I endlessly seek to know my father as a man, the way most people get to discover their parents once they become adults and parents themselves.
In that old cigar box, were three beautifully-scribed love letters, written by my Dad to my Mum in the mid-1940s around the time of their engagement.
It suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a war-time movie. My mum and dad seemed to leap out of the photo albums and come to life, 40’s fashions and all!
I saw two people I knew so well in a totally new and different light – madly in love. I’d never seen signs of romance, open affection, or anything else overt between them. This was a window into A Fine Romance, a war-time romance between a quiet shy man and his friend’s secretary.
In his letters, Dad talked of how much he missed being with her, how it felt to leave her, and how wonderful it felt to see her again.
They were simple messages. Simple words. But powerful emotion.
The joy and excitement of his love was there in the respectful words, the gentle, tender wooing, and the encouragement he gave her. Without even a hint of eroticism, his ardour and desire for her jumped off the page.
It left me thinking about my own relationship, and grateful that some day our children will find our love letters too.
What legacy of your love are you leaving?
What do you think your children will discover after they’ve buried you?
(What’s that? Am I being a bit too confronting? Sorry, but we NEVER know when death will separate us from our loved ones. Hence why we need to love well – right now!)
The quick emails, and text messages that we tend to exchange now, won’t even exist. They’ll be gone into the technical ether.
Let’s get down to tin tacks here. Have you ever written a love letter?
Have you ever received one? Do you remember what it felt like to receive it? When I receive a love letter, the rawness and vulnerability of the message of love will bring tears of gratitude and intense emotion.
Have you kept these precious love letters?
There’s a strong argument for not losing this old and cherished skill. That is, apart from the sheer joy of receiving love letters, of course.
How much poorer would the world be if Byron hadn’t written of his love? If Charlotte Bronte or Napoleon had used texts? If Elizabeth Barrett Browning or CS Lewis had whipped off a quick email?
Have I got you thinking?
So, what do you want your partner to know about your feelings?
How often do you convey that?
So what’s stopping you from saying those things in a love letter?
Are you scared of writing a love letter? Do you think letters are only for when someone is far away? Do you believe you’re not capable of flowery/romantic language, or even of writing a letter any more? Do you think your Significant Other will think you’re an idiot?
Go on, the challenge is out! I dare you to try it. Who needs wireless broadband when you’ve got a pen?
If I’m talking to the converted, why not add some extra impetus to my argument by sharing your story in the comments below. Read the rest of this entry »
In Relationships You Can Always Dream
I’m not much of a fan of Valentine’s Day…
In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s a load of crock!
But I guess if it gets so
meone to take action with a simple gesture when they would normally protest that they don’t know how to be romantic, then it can’t be ALL bad! In fact it MIGHT contributr to better relationships SOMEHOW!
There is one advantage.
It’s a chance to look at advertisements for all those exotic locations you dream of going to. Let’s face it for most of us, the ads are about as close as we’ll get.
But looking and dreaming and sharing that “one day if we win lotto” moment together is also a pretty good to share with your love.
So here’s some fuel for thought! This promo for the Top 10 Most Romantic Locations dropped into my Inbox the other day. I kept it open so I could dribble and drool for a couple of days – and share it with SweetP. Read the rest of this entry »
Have the Kisses Changed in Your Relationship?
I’ve got a few impertinent questions for you! After all, I am a Relationship Queen and part of my job is to throw out challenges! So …
What’s the best kissing memory of your whole life?
Do you believe that long languorous kisses only belong to new lovers? Or in movies and TV Shows?
Do your long languorous kisses only belong in the bedroom, once you’re married/partnered? Or at least in the privacy of your own home?
Be honest! Do long languorous kisses still have a regular place in your relationship? Do you at least do them in front of your kids?
What does a long languorous kiss mean to you?
I know it might seem like old Pink Apple has not had enough lip action, not played enough tonsil tiggy, and has generally resorted to getting her pleasures vicariously. But it’s not true. I’m perfectly happy with the kissing action in my life. But my question is, are you?
Kissing is such a funny thing.
Do you remember your first ever romantic kiss?
Girls (and I guess boys) talk about it endlessly when we were teenagers. I’m guessing that much adolescent (or pre-adolescent -sigh!) effort is put into becoming skilled at it. How do you do it? What about noses? Who moves their head? How do you breathe? What about tongues? It’s all so exciting, and just a bit scary.
We give it all kinds of names. Snogging, pashing, necking, petting, smooching, sucking face. Every era has a different name for it!
And then when we become partnered, kissing can become a perfunctory part of every day life. There’s hellos and goodbyes, and sometimes not even that. There’s birthday and Christmas kisses. There’s kisses in the bedroom that are meant to send not-so-subtle messages.
But what happened to kissing for its own sake?
So recently I put one of my Relationship Tips up on the Pink Apple Facebook Fan Page and suggested a long languorous kiss just before you head out the door.
You see, it doesn’t take a lot to make you both stop and remember that this is your “Relationship” as much as it is your daily life. Try surprising your partner with a long kiss just as you’re about to go out, and what happens?
Now if we assume you don’t suddenly decide to be late for the party and turn around and head for the bedroom…
What happens is that your surprised partner suddenly remembers who you are and why they love you. The rest of your evening is spent with both of you just slightly distracted and with a secret smile hovering on their lips. There’s hopes that perhaps the kissing may return when you get home. You share a tiny little secret between you and the sense of connection between you is heightened.
They all sound like pretty good things for any relationship.
But, of course, you don’t necessarily need to be going out to break the monotony of daily life together, by injecting this spicy kiss into your twosome. It just needs to come at a time when your partner is least expecting it. It needs to be a sexy kiss at a time when sex is not really an option. Of course the point is to build some sexual tension/energy.
It could be the morning kiss as you depart for work that gets the long languorous touch! Or maybe the one in the kitchen while you’re preparing dinner that evening (together of course!) That’s a good one because while your kids may protest at the “obscenity” of their parents being “yucky” or disgusting, the message you send about you as two people who love each other, is REALLY IMPORTANT! It’s good modelling of positive relating. And that’s one of your jobs as parents!
Or maybe, you want to be a bit more public and choose the escalator at the local shopping centre, or a lift!
Anyway you get the message …
And maybe you’ve even got some suggestions …
Feel free to leave a comment!
So my challenge to you is to give it a try and see what response you get! Go slap a kiss on that partner of yours that will take his/her breath away.
Don’t forget to come back and tell us how it went! Read the rest of this entry »
When You Look Back on Your Wedding …
I went to a wedding service on Saturday. I walked out of the chapel reflecting on all that goes on with weddings.
Weddings are now part of life at Casa Pink Apple. We have three adult sons. We've already had one wedding, and it's likely there'll be a couple more.
Our friends have sons and daughters contemplating the aisle. Our sons have friends marrying all over the place as well. In fact, we're baby-sitting our granddaughter next weekend while our son and daughter-in-law attend a wedding.
And after all, as my friends in wedding celebrancy and other wedding businesses tell me, it's wedding season!
That's why I was out on Saturday, in the middle of wedding season.
I watched a couple whom I've known for many years. My son was Best Man to his mate from high school days. I've known the groom for 15+ years and his wife for at least 10. (They've been going out for 12 years, they tell me!)
To watch them marry was bound to make me reflective, trawling back through my own memories and memories of them.
In fact there's so much to reflect on I thought we might explore the topic in a series of posts.
Want to join me?
Let's start with the personal. You, me and a few others.
When I look back on my wedding the thing I remember first is the that filled the day.
I was marrying the man I loved. But the first man I ever loved – my dad – had died just 3 months before. I'd set my original wedding date in the hope that he could be there. But the cancer got him and swept him away leaving me the only daughter to miss his proud smiling face at her wedding. I look at my sister's wedding photos, even today, with a tinge of envy at their good fortune.
But it was also the only day my Mum ever brought me breakfast in bed. It was so touching, right down to the freshly cut flower on the tray! Apparently it was a little gift she'd given each of my sister's on their wedding days too. I felt special, even as I looked at the sadness in her eyes at the aching absence of my dad!
Another thing I remember is feeling exhausted but pumped with adrenaline and finding it hard to get to sleep that night back at our upmarket hotel!
Not helped by room service taking an hour to bring us some extra pillows! To this day, SweetP has been convinced they were trying to play silly buggers with the newlyweds. After all, we couldn't DO anything in case they came to the door. So we sat twiddling our thumbs for an hour waiting for room service to zip upstairs and then leave us alone!
What about YOU?
When you think back to your wedding, what's the first thing you remember? Share some of your wedding memories please?
See you soon
Chris
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Chris Owen is a Relationship Advisor and owner of Pink Apple - the place to go if you're interested in Better Relationships.
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An Anniversary Gets Pink Apple Thinking
It was a special weekend at Casa Pink Apple this past weekend.
Pink Apple (that's me – Chris Owen) and my lovely boy SweetP celebrated our 35th Wedding Anniversary. It seems a monumental amount of time when I read it written there, but it feels like it's only about 20 years we've been together.
Perhaps it's a little like me feeling like I'm about 30 on the inside, when in fact I'm in my 50s. Or perhaps it's like the months flying by now that you're an adult, where in childhood those months till Christmas or your next birthday always seemed to drag!
Anyway we celebrated our Coral Wedding Anniversary and went away for a wonderful long weekend at Port Fairy (at the end of the Great Ocean Road!)
I've written before about our Anniversary
Over at Joyful Jubilant Learning this month, the theme for the month is Birthday/Anniversary. As a regular JJL contributor, it was an ideal synchrony to contemplate my learning about relationships based on the 35 years practice I seem to have gathered!
Why not go over and find out what I've learned? Feel free to leave a comment if you'd like, it's a very friendly community!
35 years is a LONG time married by most people’s definitions. So it’s had me musing on what I’ve learned. (Yes we’ve all heard those boring and offensive jokes about getting less than that for murder, so don’t bother PLEASE!)
Much of what I’ve learned pops out in articles here at JJL, on my
own blogs, and in online magazines like Karen Wallace’s The Calm
Space. So it’s a bit of a challenge to sit and review 35 years –
those 12,784 days. You’d HOPE there’d be some significant learning in
THAT much time wouldn’t you?But I think the learnings are … [more]
One of the important things I'm told I have to offer couples who come to me to help them create better relationships, is that I've got those 35 years under my belt!
But really what we've learned is that despite the crappy days and the odd screeching, we've found a way to love each other and still keep loving. And boy has it been fun!
How Was Your Valentine?
Well, are you glad it’s over?
Valentine’s day is passed for another year. Was it a delightful event or did you find yourself unable to do a thing right where Romancing on Valentine’s is concerned?
There are often divisions in how people see special events like St Valentine’s Day.
The cynics see it as purely advertising for increased commercial and retail sales. The greeting card industry, along with florists, lingerie suppliers, and restaurants get the biggest kicking from the disdainful.
Of course, these businesses are successful at this time of year because the market drives it. (And if you were someone other than Pink Apple you might wonder which comes first, the products/services or the demand. But we’ll leave that tedious debate for others.)
On the other side, are the lovers and the die-hard Romantics (note the Capital "R") who see SVD as an opportunity to pause and acknowledge and express love.
Like all debates, there are valid comments on both sides.
But what Pink Apple is interested in, is what happened to you?
Did you get an old-fashioned anonymous Valentine that still has you intrigued?
Did you exchange cards or gifts with your love?
Was there a marvellous meal either in a restaurant or your own dining room which celebrated your partnership?
Did someone pop "The Question" to you? Did you say yes?
Did all this "romance", conjured for a particular day, leave you feeling thrilled or disheartened?
Did nothing happen and you’re disappointed? Or content?
Scroll down, and send Pink Apple a comment, telling us all what happened for you.
If you know someone who’s got a story to tell (romantic or otherwise) in answer to these questions, or who has strong feelings about Valentine’s, please forward this link to them and encourage them to share with us either in the comments below or in an email direct to Pink Apple!
Pink Apple has our own opinions. In the near future Take A Bite will host some discussion on the place of "Romance" in relationships, so we’re looking for people to quote or chat with in greater detail. Are you up for the challenge?
