Knowing I needed to write about the theme, my mind was instantly drawn to the fact that I haven’t yet sat down with SweetP this year and done our annual review of our relationship.

It’s a bit of an evaluation and an opportunity to talk about joys and sorrows, excitements and pain.

It’s certainly one of the ways we take our relationship seriously, and also how we can take a proactive stance at maintaining a healthy relationship, and making it a better relationship as well.

I t would be even more important if ours was a Second Marriage, like some of my clients and readers are currently experiencing.

So what will we be talking about?

There’s a whole pile of questions I created over at The Calm Space, but I’ll let you in, dear reader, on what SweetP and I will be talking about.

There’s no question our first big overseas adventure will be up there on the list.  We learned a lot more about being together, as we were forced by anonymity (and at times language) to rely on each other through that journey.  So, there’s much to talk about there.

SweetP is the money-worrier in our family, so I’m sure there’ll be fuel for discussion there too.

Retirement is nearer, so both our financial management and our conflicts around financial management, will be part of the discussion.

With retirement comes the issue of spending more time with each other.  SweetP is currently transitioning to retirement by now working part-time.  So how we manage spending 24 hours a day in each others’ company will be on the list as well.

And of course there’s more things, grandchildren, our adult children, our ailing parents etc etc.

So I think that our annual review will be part of this coming weekend.

Perhaps we’ll go out and have some yummy brekky, then go somewhere beautiful, perhaps beside a river, and talk together.

What did/will you do for your annual review?

Oh?  Not been there before?  Well why not head over to The Calm Space and have a read of my article so you can plan a review too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

Clearly I’m not really Warney and Liz’s Relationship Coach.  And I’d never break confidentiality like that!

But this ex-IVF nurse and midwife-turned Relationship-Advisor knows a thing or two about relationships under stress.  And of course I have 37 years experience in my own marriage.

So I thought I’d make this a series of Letters to Warney, where I’ll explore some of the issues that you might consider if you wanted to avoid making the same mistakes in your second marriage as you made in your first.

But this is a community we have here.

So why not let me know which topics/bits of advice you’d like me to give Warney and Liz, and all my avid readers?

I’ve also plucked up the courage got very courageous and recorded my letter to Warney.

So if you’d like to listen rather than read, then click on the arrow below!

Dear Warney

Chris Owen here from Pink Apple. And yes I’d be delighted to mentor you both into your new marriage.

Of course, I’m very grateful for you so generously suggesting I can report on our sessions together and share it with all my interested readers.

I must say, watching you both fall in lust love over the last ten months has reminded this old “Togethered” of that first flush of exhilarating romance.  Surprisingly enough we’ve all had that feeling, and, no you didn’t invent it!

Tumbling into that euphoric bliss is just the best fun, isn’t it?  It’s like being on the most exciting and the most scarey rollercoaster!  While those dazzling days might be short-lived, it’s an extravaganza while it happens, isn’t it?

Well, it is for those falling in love.  Maybe not so much for the long-suffering friends and family who kind of get left on the sidelines.  After all, those all-absorbing seconds in each other’s company take over your every waking thought!  And as for work, you’re hopelessly unproductive aren’t you?  We all know what that’s like!

Not that you’ve been shy at all!  We’ve watched each flirtatious step shared on Twitter.  You funky little Gen Xers, you!

But it did make we wonder if you’ve been as diligent in keeping up with the people who may help make the difference for you both when the going gets tougher.  Because of course it does get tougher.  But you know that already don’t you?

You know all that frothy Romantic Love is meant to morph into something else, don’t you Warney?  Of course you do, you’ve been married before.

You’re wiser now.  You know there’s a whole new phase of Depth and Intimacy to come, don’t you?  There won’t be any of that sliding into ordinary, everyday, disappointing, disillusioning marriage for you two, will there?

That’s what our work together will help with!

Can’t wait to begin work and share this with my avid readers.

And don’t forget I’ll expect you to do your homework!

Regards

Pink Apple

Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

One of the early ones was Iggy Pintado, author of  Connection Generation, and all-round nice guy!  Iggy is a man of deep authenticity and integrity, and one I admire immensely.

Today is Iggy and his wife Kerry’s 25th Wedding Anniversary.

To mark the occasion they answered a question many people have asked them.  They wrote a joint blog post about what they thought was the key to their successful marriage.

It’s simple and has 3 key points, I encourage you to go read it and absorb some of their wisdom.

It’s much more real than anything I could say!

What’s the best kissing memory of your whole life?

Do you believe that long languorous kisses only belong to new lovers?  Or in movies and TV Shows?

Do your long languorous kisses only belong in the bedroom, once you’re married/partnered? Or at least in the privacy of your own home?

Be honest!  Do long languorous kisses still have a regular place in your relationship? Do you at least do them in front of your kids?

What does a long languorous kiss mean to you?

I know it might seem like old Pink Apple has not had enough lip action, not played enough tonsil tiggy, and has generally resorted to getting her pleasures vicariously.  But it’s not true.  I’m perfectly happy with the kissing action in my life.  But my question is, are you?

Kissing is such a funny thing.

Do you remember your first ever romantic kiss?

Girls (and I guess boys) talk about it endlessly when we were teenagers.  I’m guessing that much adolescent (or pre-adolescent -sigh!) effort is put into becoming skilled at it.  How do you do it?  What about noses?  Who moves their head?  How do you breathe?  What about tongues?  It’s all so exciting, and just a bit scary.

We give it all kinds of names.  Snogging, pashing, necking, petting, smooching, sucking face.  Every era has a different name for it!

And then when we become partnered, kissing can become a perfunctory part of every day life.  There’s hellos and goodbyes, and sometimes not even that.  There’s birthday and Christmas kisses.  There’s kisses in the bedroom that are meant to send not-so-subtle messages.

But what happened to kissing for its own sake?

So recently I put one of my Relationship Tips up on the Pink Apple Facebook Fan Page and suggested a long languorous kiss just before you head out the door.

You see, it doesn’t take a lot to make you both stop and remember that this is your “Relationship” as much as it is your daily life.  Try surprising your partner with a long kiss just as you’re about to go out, and what happens?

Now if we assume you don’t suddenly decide to be late for the party and turn around and head for the bedroom…

What happens is that your surprised partner suddenly remembers who you are and why they love you.  The rest of your evening is spent with both of you just slightly distracted and with a secret smile hovering on their lips.  There’s hopes that perhaps the kissing may return when you get home.  You share a tiny little secret between you and the sense of connection between you is heightened.

They all sound like pretty good things for any relationship.

But, of course, you don’t necessarily need to be going out to break the monotony of daily life together, by injecting this spicy kiss into your twosome. It just needs to come at a time when your partner is least expecting it.  It needs to be a sexy kiss at a time when sex is not really an option.  Of course the point is to build some sexual tension/energy.

It could be the morning kiss as you depart for work that gets the long languorous touch!  Or maybe the one in the kitchen while you’re preparing dinner that evening (together of course!) That’s a good one because while your kids may protest at the “obscenity” of their parents being “yucky” or disgusting, the message you send about you as two people who love each other, is REALLY IMPORTANT!  It’s good modelling of positive relating.  And that’s one of your jobs as parents!

Or maybe, you want to be a bit more public and choose the escalator at the local shopping centre, or a lift!

Anyway you get the message …

And maybe you’ve even got some suggestions …

Feel free to leave a comment!

So my challenge to you is to give it a try and see what response you get!  Go slap a kiss on that partner of yours that will take his/her breath away.

Don’t forget to come back and tell us how it went!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert. If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

Peter and his wife Ellyn Bader are US relationship psychologists.  Their relationship advice has a strong influence on my own work so I share this with great respect for them.

I hope it gives you food for thought

You can,
if you wish,
influence your partner to change
in ways that could
make your life
more comfortable.

However, can you really
change something
you don’t understand?

How deeply do you …[more]

We’re focusing on Relationship Mojo and how to re-find it again.  Because, of course, it’s pretty easy to lose it!

Here’s my new 1 minute promo video about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

Please let me know what you think of it?  It’s the beginning of some exciting developments at Pink Apple so stay tuned!

BTW You can take your Mojo Test here.

This month's theme on The Calm Space is Power and Strength. 

In the Relationship Space, (my little corner of The Calm Space world) this month I've been raising awareness of the power women have over the frequency of a couple's sexual activity.  

Because, in a non-abusive relationship if the woman says no she doesn’t
want to have sex, then the couple don’t have sex.  He might try
wheedling, tickling, kissing, whispering endearments, or a hundred
other possibilities.  But if it’s no, then it’s no go! [more]

When I consider this power, I'm reminded of the kid who used to take control of the garden tap when we were all playing under the sprinklers of our childhood. 

Did you have a big brother/sister or some neighbourhood kid who ran to
the tap and took control of the flow of water?  Turning it up high so
that it sprayed well away from where you stood waiting for that wave of
cool relief.  Or turning it off, and torturing you with their
unrelenting grip on the tap – despite all your pleas and angry screams? [more]

And I'm not necessarily suggesting that this power is only about limiting the number of encounters, plenty of women have high libidos which are stronger that their partner's.  But the same issue remains, the power to be the one in control of "the tap", deciding when it will be turned on and off, is a power to be used like a benevolent dictator as commenter Angela Esnouf shares.  It needs to be used wisely and well.

So I left my readers on The Calm Space with some questions, why not go over and have alook at them?  Maybe you've got something to contribute to the conversation that's started over there. 

Who took our delightfully reminiscent photo?

Alisa Bowman (@alisabow) is a good example. 

I saw this on her blog and thought you might find it useful.  If you comment over there, tell her I sent you!

She hates when he initiates sex

Q:
Whenever my husband holds my hand, cuddles, or touches me in any way, I
feel uncomfortable. Every time he touches me, it seems like he wants
sex. I might be watching a TV program and he will start [more]

I know I don't!  I'm pretty happy with what I've got, but I know I won't ever stop aspiring for a better marriage.

In fact I don't know anybody who has a perfect marriage and I DON"T believe they exist.  With humans involved there will always be inherent flaws.  Our egos and the scars of past hurts will always get in the way of being a perfect person. 

So I never believe anyone who says they have the perfect partner or the perfect marriage.

But what's with the obsession about perfection?

I was reading a recent blog post on Organised Thoughts, written by Angela Esnouf  of Creating Order From Chaos (@creatingorder).  She was offering a Productivity Maxim for those of us who may be flawed with a little bit of procrastination in our thinking.

I first heard this one from Sandi Givens as did Angela

But I must say I think that rather than being helpful to procrastinators – it's ideal for perfectionists who'll delay in achieving/doing something so they can keep trying to make it perfect! 

That's a recipe for endless frustration and missing out.

So if you're still waiting for your marriage to be perfect, why not try seeing it as a work in progress and get on with appreciating it and all the other good things in your life?

___________________________________________________________________________________

Chris Owen is Pink Apple.  She helps couples find the Secrets to Successful Relationships.  She runs groups, and works with individuals and couples.  You can follow her on Twitter (@Chris_Pinkapple).  You can also find her musings at Apple Tart, Joyful Jubilant Learning, and The Calm Space.

But to do that requires us to tune up our radar about ourselves. 

Knowing what we do and how we think and feel now, is the first step to making new choices for changes and improvements in our selves, our relationships, and our world.

So I'm always on the lookout for things that will help make good relationships, and help us all gain greater self-awareness.

Thanks to Belinda Merry's latest newsletter, I have come across this interesting test and basic information about the Right/Left brain phenomenon.

Why not check which way your brain leans and see what that means?