Archive for the ‘Triggers for Relationship Pain’ Category
When Walking Away is the Best Relationship Advice …
If you were happy all the time in your relationship, then most of you probably wouldn’t be bothering to read Pink Apple’s relationship advice.
So let’s assume that like all humans, not every moment of your relationship is a blissful event. (If it is I want to talk to you and get you secrets!)
What’s more, in your loving relationship, there’s probably the occasional little quarrel, the odd fight, a quick snipe or two, the rare screaming match, a few disagreements and sometimes war breaks out!
Have you ever come across someone who told you they don’t fight?
Did they share this interesting information with a slightly righteous posture? Did they seem just a little smug?
Of course they may be telling the truth, they may both be extremely conflict averse! The thought of conflict may terrify them out of their wits. So much so that they would no more “go there” than they’d step on a landmine! However that scenario has it’s own drawbacks which is a topic for some other day.
Just be reassured that most people in relationships fight – in some form – at some time!
And that’s perfectly OK!
There is nothing wrong with having a fight.
The only way it will harm your relationship is if you don’t heal the relationship after the conflict.
But sometimes fights get out of control don’t they? (And no, I’m not necessarily talking about “fisticuffs” or domestic violence. And probably not even emontional abuse!)
Sometimes you say things you don’t really mean! And they’re out of your mouth before you’ve really put your brain into full gear!
After you’ve cooled down you may even forget you’ve said it. But maybe those few words, are burned into your partner/mum/dad/friend/sister/s brain. Seared there forever with the scar an endless irritant.
And all for what? Was the fight worth creating that scar? Did the topic really matter that much? Was the poin THAT significant?
You see that’s why…
… the best relationship advice is to walk away.
And no I don’t mean stomp out of the room in a huff! (One of Pink Apple’s occasional failings I’m afraid! Usually accompanied by an oh-so-satisfying slamming of the door!)
I mean zip your lip for the millisecond that it takes to register that:
- you’re not actually in good control of your emotions
- you haven’t got the whole issue in perspective
- this is about a myriad of other small unconnected irritants
- this may not actually matter in 24 hours, next week or next year.
And then take a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath
Say something like, “I know I need to gather myself together. Can we come back to this when I’ve collected my thoughts and calmed down? I really want to have this discussion, just not in this way!”
… and walk away and do just that!
Go take a walk around the block. Go sit in the toilet and deep breathe for five minutes. Go and channel the energy into something fruitful. Just go …
… and come back later, just as you promised, and complete the discussion. (And I don’t mean days/months/years later)
Try it and let me know how you get on?
In fact, if you have tried it either successfully or abysmally failing, share your thoughts and comments below! Read the rest of this entry »
Depression – The Black Dog Might Be Living in Your Relationship
It’s Australia Day and we’re all supposed to be celebrating.
But if someone you love is not feeling like celebrating, perhaps there’s a good reason.
Depression.
I could write a whole article about that, but why would I? I’ve just seen a terrifically effective simple article about depression over on my friend Renee Mayne of Bra Queen’s site! It may explain a lot.
And if depression is wobbling your relationship off it’s stable footing, Pink Apple (as a skilled counsellor) can help you establish a new footing that accommodates the Black Dog in your family.
Using Pink Apple’s Relating Better Program, all three of us could have a 2-hour (one-off and no obligation) First Steps Session to establish how things are, and what might need to be different. It will help you:
- take stock of what the situation is
- get clear what you want to do about it.
- decide if you want some coaching assistance
Relating Better also has a Solutions for Now Program which may be one of the options you could choose.
Solutions For Now is a series of four coaching sessions and uses an assessment tool to establish your preferred behaviour styles. It’s intended to help you regain the lost connection between you. It will help you:
- get over a problem that’s been holding back your relationship/could lead to the breakdown of your relationship
- use new tools to address an old problem
- get objective feedback on how your preferred behavior styles might be impacting your relationships
Depression in your family creates hurdles for everyone including the sufferer. Depression and that bloody Black Dog have visited our family just as it visits many! So Pink Apple has an intimate knowledge of what happens when it starts running around in a relationship. We’d love to help you move forward.
In the meantime, go over and read Renee’s simple and to-the-point Depression Checklist. Read the rest of this entry »
