Knowing I needed to write about the theme, my mind was instantly drawn to the fact that I haven’t yet sat down with SweetP this year and done our annual review of our relationship.

It’s a bit of an evaluation and an opportunity to talk about joys and sorrows, excitements and pain.

It’s certainly one of the ways we take our relationship seriously, and also how we can take a proactive stance at maintaining a healthy relationship, and making it a better relationship as well.

I t would be even more important if ours was a Second Marriage, like some of my clients and readers are currently experiencing.

So what will we be talking about?

There’s a whole pile of questions I created over at The Calm Space, but I’ll let you in, dear reader, on what SweetP and I will be talking about.

There’s no question our first big overseas adventure will be up there on the list.  We learned a lot more about being together, as we were forced by anonymity (and at times language) to rely on each other through that journey.  So, there’s much to talk about there.

SweetP is the money-worrier in our family, so I’m sure there’ll be fuel for discussion there too.

Retirement is nearer, so both our financial management and our conflicts around financial management, will be part of the discussion.

With retirement comes the issue of spending more time with each other.  SweetP is currently transitioning to retirement by now working part-time.  So how we manage spending 24 hours a day in each others’ company will be on the list as well.

And of course there’s more things, grandchildren, our adult children, our ailing parents etc etc.

So I think that our annual review will be part of this coming weekend.

Perhaps we’ll go out and have some yummy brekky, then go somewhere beautiful, perhaps beside a river, and talk together.

What did/will you do for your annual review?

Oh?  Not been there before?  Well why not head over to The Calm Space and have a read of my article so you can plan a review too.

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Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

Selling Your House? Tips for The Stressed

If you’ve ever sold a house, especially in a buyer’s market, you know how stressful the whole process can be!

SweetP and I were listening to ABC Melbourne 774 in the car the other day and caught an interview with Monique Wakelin, a property advisor.  A caller was looking for advice on how to select a Real Estate agent to represent him, from a series of estate agents he had interviewed.  There was a 30% variation in the prices they were suggesting they could get for the property.

Wakelin advised him to ask these 5 questions which would not only provide him with information for his decision, but would also make it clear to his chosen agent that he was a force to be reckoned with.  (And presumably not one an agent could easily befuddle.)

Part of the stress we all experience when selling or buying, is about the integrity of the person representing us.  Let’s face it, not all Real Estate agents are out to dupe us, and nor are all agents always ethical.  And while we’re in their hands, we want to make sure we are as safe as can be to reduce that STRESS.  (Why am I interested in this?  Because it’s these kinds of triggers that cause relationship boats to rock dramatically and that’s where I come in!)

So here are Wakelin’s excellent questions.  And I must thank ABC Melbourne Radio and Monique Wakelin for this assistance to all of us out there in the wide world of home ownership and vending.  SweetP and I were both struck by how well these would sort the wheat from the chaff!

Questions Monique recommends vendors should ask when selecting a real estate agent.

What is the agent’s personal clearance rate and that of their agency for auctions in the last three months?

Can the agent provide a history of quote ranges, reserves, hammer prices and post auction negotiated prices for recent auctions?

For private sales, what is the average number of days properties are on the market before they sell?

Can you provide a history of the original asking prices and the eventual sales prices for private sales over the last three months?

What is the agent’s preferred method of sale for your property and why?

If you’ve got tips for reducing vendor stress, then please share with us all in the Comments below.

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Chris Owen is an Aussie-based Relationship Advisor who muses on relationships, and helps couples make their relationships joy-filled – before it’s too late!

She shares resources, offers support, and debunks myths on Facebook and Twitter as well as here at the Better Relationships Blog.

Lovers on the rocks are now airing issues in counselling sessions that have arisen from social media, chat rooms and dating websites…

Yes social media is fun and a quick and savvy way to keep up with each other, but I’m sorry I don’t think you can link social media to CAUSES of relationship breakdown!  It’s more like a way of seeing a symptom of problems!

True, you might find FUEL for your conflicts on social media, but if it wasn’t there, it would be on your partner’s mobile, or at the pub,  or anywhere that the usual relationship conflict issues arise.

If trust (jealousy)  is an issue in your relationship, then it will be; whether you’re on Facebook or not!

If you’re feeling rejected by your partner, then if it wasn’t your partner’s time on Twitter that was leaving you dejected, it would be something else.

Be brave and talk about it, preferably staying grown up and without fighting!

But if you do, then Fight Fair! (More on that later!)

And if you can’t do either of those then get some help!

I have a FEW empty appointments at the moment so give me a call if you need to.

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Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships

Chris Owen is an Aussie-based Relationship Advisor who muses on relationships, and helps couples make their relationships joy-filled – before it’s too late!

She shares resources, offers support, and debunks myths on Facebook and Twitter as well as here at the Better Relationships Blog.

Today I want to talk to you about how to choose the right relationship coach for you and how to know when you need one.

I think people often think that couples who see a relationship coach must be knocking at the door of the divorce court.  You know, it isn’t always that way.  Often the couples who seek coaching are looking for a better way to relate.  They want to improve what they already have.  Isn’t that beautiful?

Sometimes, though, the couples who come to me are those who have reached a plateau in their relationship.  The zing has gone and routine has set it.  That isn’t a bad thing.  In fact, it is a stage that most relationships go through.  You can decide to keep living that way or you can learn how to add spice back to the relationship.

Of course, I do have couples coming to me as a last ditch attempt to resolve issues in their marriage before they head for divorce.  I am always impressed with these couples and their commitment to each other.  Isn’t it wonderful that despite feeling angry or frustrated with each other, they still love their partner enough to work at staying together?

If you are feeling flat in the relationship then you could need a coach.  No, you don’t have to feel unhappy with the relationship.  Remember, coaching is all about finding a better way to do things.

What To Look For

How you choose a relationship coach is a personal decision.  You really need to connect with your coach and feel trust and confidence in her.  I recommend that you talk to some different coaches before making your choice.   Here are some things that I think are important to look for in your coach:

1.  Connection. Did your coach understand what you were saying?  Did you feel some rapport with her?

2.  Listening.  Did your coach pay attention to both partners?  Did they seem to ask the right questions?  Did they talk too much?

3.  Positivity.  The coach needs to be cheerful and positive.  If she is not, how can you feel sure that she can see the way ahead?

4.  Qualified.  Make sure that the coach has proper qualifications and experience.  Never go to an amateur!

5.  Available.  By this I mean that your coach offers coaching in ways or at times which suit you.  The programs that she offers are suitable for you and you can cope with them.

Relationship coaching is all about understanding what you want and need in your relationships.  It is about really connecting with you as individuals and building a trusting relationship between us.

I know, when I’m exploring solutions to a problem, I have to “feel” confident that person is right for me. You will know when you find the right person.  You will feel comfortable and willing to talk to her.  You will know that the coach is hearing you and see that they are skilled in what they do.

If you think your relationship could do with a bit more zing then consider finding a relationship coach who talks your language.  Together you can add some spark back to your world …

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

It all started because I was thinking back to the bride and groom Pink Apple Blossom and her Young SweetP walking up the aisle.  (Yes it WAS a MIGHTY long time ago!!)

Knowing what we know now, I wondered what advice/reassurance would I whisper in that nervous bride’s ear, or SweetP into that fearful groom’s ear?

SweetP tells me he’d have waited till the groom caught sight of the bride, and said “If you think this is good, just wait, it only gets better!”

Me?  I’d have held the shaking Apple Blossom’s hand and told her she was about to “discover the real Chris, and learn what love and joy can really be“.

So what about you?

What wisdom would you have shared?

What reassurance would you have liked to know, way back then?

Go on, you know what you’d say.

Tell us in the Comments here, or pop over to Facebook and participate over there!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

I was  preparing my monthly contribution to the Relationship Space the other day.  The theme this month over at The Calm Space is Happiness.

To be released on Thursday, are my Five Tips for Better Relationship Happiness.

To give you bit of a preview, my first tip is about you showing up as a Happy You in the relationship.

There’s obviously more to be found on this interesting topic, but when it’s released I’ll pop in here and put up the link.  Or alternatively you can go and subscribe to updates and get your own notification when the articles go up each week.  However, I digress!

Having not long finished this article I was most amused by the synchronicity of the arrival of a regular newsletter The Happiness Trap from www.actmindfully.com.au.  Positive Psychology (including happiness psychology) is the most recent innovation in psychology.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a unique and creative model for both therapy and coaching, based on the innovative use of mindfulness and values.The aim of ACT is to maximise human potential for a rich, full and meaningful life.
ACT helps you to cultivate health vitality and well-being through mindfulness and values-guided action. Although ACT was created over 10 years before ‘positive psychology’ existed, it is increasingly seen as a part of that movement.

At last ACT have given in to pressures and is at last going to be running some ACT workshops, both for the public and for the corporate world.  Go here for more details and a flyer.

These workshops are very timely as Russ Harris’ book The Happiness Trap is probably the best-selling self-help book in Australia at the moment.  In September,  Russ will be appearing as the “mindfulness coach” on a 3-part reality TV series, called ‘Making Australia Happy’ to be screened on ABC.  I won’t be missing that!!!

In the meantime if you’d like some instant help in your search for happiness why not try Karen Wallace’s free ecourse A Month of Me Time: Simple Daily Actions to Nourish Your Soul.  It’s easy to find on The Calm Space website.  I found it wonderfully nurturing, but then that sums up Karen!

Of course, I’m assuming that you’ve already taken the Mojo Test, right there to the right of this article, and got your free copy of Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous as well!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and takethe Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Sometimes Karen’s selected theme is so resonant that my contribution practically writes itself.  But I wasn’t feeling very wonderous, wonderful or even wondering.

There were sad and unsettling things happening in my life, and those of some of my closest friends.  Wonder didn’t sit well at all!

Totally barren in the ideas department, I struggled to find how wonder and better relationships might fit and how I could authentically write about it.

And then I read an article about fighting and I knew!

I knew heaps about fighting from bitter experience, and still now SweetP and I will have the odd fight that strikes like a whirlwind and leaves us wondering what happened to us.

So this month’s Relationship Space Wondering What You Could Do For A Better Relationship? is devoted to a reflection on fighting and changing how we do it.

I’m wondering if anyone will try the technique and let us all know how it goes!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Mums Night Out is an annual event for mums that lets us get all prettied up for once.  You will see the presentation of the Real Mum of The Year Award and enjoy  food, drink, entertainment, dancing and as many laughs as you can handle … as well as mini-makeovers, mini-massages and just a really great, fun night out. All of it Kid Free!

Would you like to win a ticket?

Just leave me a comment here or on my Facebook page telling me about the funniest relationship no-no you have ever committed.   Note, I said FUNNY!

I will announce the winner on Thursday morning.

By the way, tickets are still available if you would like to come along.  Here are the details for you.

Friday 14th May 2010
Gardenhurst
82 Bulla Road
Essendon North
Tickets $69 - Book here.
 

There are so many terms that are used as euphemisms for sexual intercourse that one finds it hard to keep up really!

And I’m talking about terms that can be used in polite conversation.  That is, if you can describe conversations that include talk of sexual intercourse as polite!  That, of course, is a matter of opinion.

I remember in my first interview for a job in Assisted Reproductive Techology (IVF et al), I was asked about my ability to talk about sex with people without me or them feeling uncomfortable.  My reply?  Something about having three teenaged sons teaching me quite enough about how to conduct matter-of-fact conversations about sex!

Going Going Gone by Agent of Darkness on Flickr

So yes I probably talk about sex more often than most people without even considering using some coy terms!   But I do adapt my terminology to the situation and the discussion.

Love-making, sex, intercourse, and others I won’t inflict on you!

But lots of couples have a pet name for it.  It’s a bit like lots of people have pet names for their genitalia or for their partner’s genitalia!  (Now, THAT I struggle to understand!)

It was reading SunnyMummyAus’s blog Sunny Mummy that got me me musing on pet names!  Her choice is Marvin (if you read this you’ll understand)!

Of course your favourite euphemism will often betray your generation and/or your cultural heritage!  Clearly Sunny Mummy Aus is an 80s chick!

In the interests of social history, science (or a good laugh), Pink Apple would like to ask you all to assist our research as we try to establish a list of  names for “it”!

Our personal favourite comes from a couple of babyboomer radio announcers here in Melbourne!  Grubby and DeeDee on Gold104 (Rock and Pop Classics). They call it “oofty magoofty”!

I like it because it has a kind of subtlety that the more literal terms seem to totally misunderstand!  In fact it’s quite hard to know how to spell it as I’m convinced that there is no such term in modern English.

However “oofty magoofty” MUST head up this list – for no other reason than that it’s MY list!!

Now PLEASE people, don’t take this as an opportunity to be offensive!  I’ll be monitoring this post and deleting anything unacceptable.  And be creative!  We all know what f*** means!  And by the way, I’ll take the post down if it becomes an issue!

Pink Apple’s List Of Sex Euphemisms!

• Oofty Magoofty
• Horizontal Rumba
• Playing Hide the Sausage
• The Love Dance
• Banging
• Making Whoopie
• Hokey Pokey
• Rumpy Pumpy
• Marvin
• (your suggestion)

Thanks all and let’s get laughing! After all Relationships don’t have to be serious all the time!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book
Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship. Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Triggers for conflict can be as diverse as money management, unequal libidos, parenting differences, and how you squeeze the toothpaste.

One lesser known, but highly inflammatory one is sleep-farting! (Yes pun intended!) Or to be more delicate, let’s call it flatulence.

A matter commonly only discussed in the bedrooms of couples the world over, this problem gets up lots of partner’s noses!

Oh alright, I’ll stop with the puns…

But I had to just share with you this wonderful new product …

Seeing it’s not April 1st I’m going to believe this, because I found it on the internet! Isn’t that a good enough reason?

For a good laugh, and perhaps even an opportunity to discuss this delicate issue with your partner, why not watch this wonderful advertisement?

By the way I’m so grateful to Sandi Gamble and The Huffington Post for alerting me to this fabulous product!   (Well alright I’ve no idea if it’s fabulous, but it’s amused me enough to get me blogging again, so it must be fabulous!!)  ENJOY!  And please let me know if you actually own one of these!!!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book
Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship. Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!