I was  preparing my monthly contribution to the Relationship Space the other day.  The theme this month over at The Calm Space is Happiness.

To be released on Thursday, are my Five Tips for Better Relationship Happiness.

To give you bit of a preview, my first tip is about you showing up as a Happy You in the relationship.

There’s obviously more to be found on this interesting topic, but when it’s released I’ll pop in here and put up the link.  Or alternatively you can go and subscribe to updates and get your own notification when the articles go up each week.  However, I digress!

Having not long finished this article I was most amused by the synchronicity of the arrival of a regular newsletter The Happiness Trap from www.actmindfully.com.au.  Positive Psychology (including happiness psychology) is the most recent innovation in psychology.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a unique and creative model for both therapy and coaching, based on the innovative use of mindfulness and values.The aim of ACT is to maximise human potential for a rich, full and meaningful life.
ACT helps you to cultivate health vitality and well-being through mindfulness and values-guided action. Although ACT was created over 10 years before ‘positive psychology’ existed, it is increasingly seen as a part of that movement.

At last ACT have given in to pressures and is at last going to be running some ACT workshops, both for the public and for the corporate world.  Go here for more details and a flyer.

These workshops are very timely as Russ Harris’ book The Happiness Trap is probably the best-selling self-help book in Australia at the moment.  In September,  Russ will be appearing as the “mindfulness coach” on a 3-part reality TV series, called ‘Making Australia Happy’ to be screened on ABC.  I won’t be missing that!!!

In the meantime if you’d like some instant help in your search for happiness why not try Karen Wallace’s free ecourse A Month of Me Time: Simple Daily Actions to Nourish Your Soul.  It’s easy to find on The Calm Space website.  I found it wonderfully nurturing, but then that sums up Karen!

Of course, I’m assuming that you’ve already taken the Mojo Test, right there to the right of this article, and got your free copy of Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous as well!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and takethe Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

It seems that we Boomers, and even Gen Xers (which always surprises me),  struggle with what to do with our tech-savvy, know-their-own-mind, Gen Y brethren!

As a Relationships Advisor focused more on couples, Gen Xers and Boomers are my target market.  So I don’t have a lot of need to deal with the issue.  But I’m hearing a lot of pain out there.

So my ears pricked up when my friend Ann Buik told me she was going to run a workshop on the topic of Gen Ys in the workplace.  As a workplace leadership expert and executives’ coach, it made sense that she’d have this kind of issue in her armoury of advice.

This workshop was originally planned for earlier this month, but with Ann taking on a new role with my old friend Ross Mitchell from Nesso, and some marketing glitches, it was rescheduled!  I must say I’m very pleased about that.  That means I could get the word out to all of you people in pain!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Sometimes Karen’s selected theme is so resonant that my contribution practically writes itself.  But I wasn’t feeling very wonderous, wonderful or even wondering.

There were sad and unsettling things happening in my life, and those of some of my closest friends.  Wonder didn’t sit well at all!

Totally barren in the ideas department, I struggled to find how wonder and better relationships might fit and how I could authentically write about it.

And then I read an article about fighting and I knew!

I knew heaps about fighting from bitter experience, and still now SweetP and I will have the odd fight that strikes like a whirlwind and leaves us wondering what happened to us.

So this month’s Relationship Space Wondering What You Could Do For A Better Relationship? is devoted to a reflection on fighting and changing how we do it.

I’m wondering if anyone will try the technique and let us all know how it goes!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Every month The Calm Space has a theme.  Each week, 3 or 4 of the contributors add some more food for thought on the month’s theme. As the month progresses, the roots of the theme get tickled and tackled. Opinions arise, stories develop, and sometimes controversy takes the stage!

This month’s theme is “purpose”.

Now, I’d argue that purpose is a bit of a new-age, coach-induced phenomenon.

And I’m a coach – kind of!

If the Calm Space is about moving “from stress serenity one step at a time” then I reckon purpose should be given a good kick in the backside!

So I’m reluctant to add having a purpose to the relationship “shoulds” that hang like boulders around our necks.

I figure that just like you learn to pick your battles with your adolescent children, there are other more important relationship “battles” to attack, than having a purpose! [more]

What do you think?

Oh by the way, Karen offers an excellent e-course to get you helping yourself.  Called A Month of Me Time it’s an excellent freebie.  I suggest you try it!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Mums Night Out is an annual event for mums that lets us get all prettied up for once.  You will see the presentation of the Real Mum of The Year Award and enjoy  food, drink, entertainment, dancing and as many laughs as you can handle … as well as mini-makeovers, mini-massages and just a really great, fun night out. All of it Kid Free!

Would you like to win a ticket?

Just leave me a comment here or on my Facebook page telling me about the funniest relationship no-no you have ever committed.   Note, I said FUNNY!

I will announce the winner on Thursday morning.

By the way, tickets are still available if you would like to come along.  Here are the details for you.

Friday 14th May 2010
Gardenhurst
82 Bulla Road
Essendon North
Tickets $69 - Book here.
 

There are so many terms that are used as euphemisms for sexual intercourse that one finds it hard to keep up really!

And I’m talking about terms that can be used in polite conversation.  That is, if you can describe conversations that include talk of sexual intercourse as polite!  That, of course, is a matter of opinion.

I remember in my first interview for a job in Assisted Reproductive Techology (IVF et al), I was asked about my ability to talk about sex with people without me or them feeling uncomfortable.  My reply?  Something about having three teenaged sons teaching me quite enough about how to conduct matter-of-fact conversations about sex!

Going Going Gone by Agent of Darkness on Flickr

So yes I probably talk about sex more often than most people without even considering using some coy terms!   But I do adapt my terminology to the situation and the discussion.

Love-making, sex, intercourse, and others I won’t inflict on you!

But lots of couples have a pet name for it.  It’s a bit like lots of people have pet names for their genitalia or for their partner’s genitalia!  (Now, THAT I struggle to understand!)

It was reading SunnyMummyAus’s blog Sunny Mummy that got me me musing on pet names!  Her choice is Marvin (if you read this you’ll understand)!

Of course your favourite euphemism will often betray your generation and/or your cultural heritage!  Clearly Sunny Mummy Aus is an 80s chick!

In the interests of social history, science (or a good laugh), Pink Apple would like to ask you all to assist our research as we try to establish a list of  names for “it”!

Our personal favourite comes from a couple of babyboomer radio announcers here in Melbourne!  Grubby and DeeDee on Gold104 (Rock and Pop Classics). They call it “oofty magoofty”!

I like it because it has a kind of subtlety that the more literal terms seem to totally misunderstand!  In fact it’s quite hard to know how to spell it as I’m convinced that there is no such term in modern English.

However “oofty magoofty” MUST head up this list – for no other reason than that it’s MY list!!

Now PLEASE people, don’t take this as an opportunity to be offensive!  I’ll be monitoring this post and deleting anything unacceptable.  And be creative!  We all know what f*** means!  And by the way, I’ll take the post down if it becomes an issue!

Pink Apple’s List Of Sex Euphemisms!

• Oofty Magoofty
• Horizontal Rumba
• Playing Hide the Sausage
• The Love Dance
• Banging
• Making Whoopie
• Hokey Pokey
• Rumpy Pumpy
• Marvin
• (your suggestion)

Thanks all and let’s get laughing! After all Relationships don’t have to be serious all the time!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book
Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship. Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Triggers for conflict can be as diverse as money management, unequal libidos, parenting differences, and how you squeeze the toothpaste.

One lesser known, but highly inflammatory one is sleep-farting! (Yes pun intended!) Or to be more delicate, let’s call it flatulence.

A matter commonly only discussed in the bedrooms of couples the world over, this problem gets up lots of partner’s noses!

Oh alright, I’ll stop with the puns…

But I had to just share with you this wonderful new product …

Seeing it’s not April 1st I’m going to believe this, because I found it on the internet! Isn’t that a good enough reason?

For a good laugh, and perhaps even an opportunity to discuss this delicate issue with your partner, why not watch this wonderful advertisement?

By the way I’m so grateful to Sandi Gamble and The Huffington Post for alerting me to this fabulous product!   (Well alright I’ve no idea if it’s fabulous, but it’s amused me enough to get me blogging again, so it must be fabulous!!)  ENJOY!  And please let me know if you actually own one of these!!!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book
Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship. Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

As he said in his email to his subscribers  “Wouldn’t you love to personally design the mate of your  dreams?”

While that could sound a bit like Frankenstein’s monster, there is some truth in it, isn’t there.  We’ve all got a bit of a list of preferences while we’re out on the dating scene!  Come on! Admit it!!

So let’s play a game. You can now design your ideal mate. Pick from any of the traits described below and even add some you don’t see. Go wild. Create a list of all the positive traits you wish for in your mate. Your dream partner can now be assembled like ordering a new car. [more]

Peter and his wife Ellyn Bader run The Couples Institute in the US.  I am a regular reader of their work and find their techniques filtering into my own work by osmosis.

Clearly for all my Aussie readers the Bader Pearsons are only available online.  But when you have come to grips with your DIY quest and realised that perhap the two of you could do with some help to get back on track, then Pink Apple’s Solutions for Now might just fit the bill!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

So let’s assume that like all humans, not every moment of your relationship is a blissful event.  (If it is I want to talk to you and get you secrets!)

What’s more, in your loving relationship, there’s probably the occasional little quarrel, the odd fight, a quick snipe or two, the rare screaming match, a few disagreements and sometimes war breaks out!

Have you ever come across someone who told you they don’t fight?

Did they share this interesting information with a slightly righteous posture?  Did they seem just a little smug?

Of course they may be telling the truth, they may both be extremely conflict averse!  The thought of conflict may terrify them out of their wits.  So much so that they would no more “go there” than they’d step on a landmine!  However that scenario has it’s own drawbacks which is a topic for some other day.

Just be reassured that most people in relationships fight – in some form – at some time!

And that’s perfectly OK!

There is nothing wrong with having a fight.

The only way it will harm your relationship is if you don’t heal the relationship after the conflict.

But sometimes fights get out of control don’t they?  (And no, I’m not necessarily talking about “fisticuffs” or domestic violence.  And probably not even emontional abuse!)

Sometimes you say things you don’t really mean!  And they’re out of your mouth before you’ve really put your brain into full gear!

After you’ve cooled down you may even forget you’ve said it.  But maybe those few words, are burned into your partner/mum/dad/friend/sister/s brain.  Seared there forever with the scar an endless irritant.

And all for what?  Was the fight worth creating that scar?  Did the topic really matter that much?  Was the poin THAT significant?

You see that’s why…

… the best relationship advice is to walk away.

And no I don’t mean stomp out of the room in a huff!  (One of Pink Apple’s occasional failings I’m afraid!  Usually accompanied by an oh-so-satisfying slamming of the door!)

I mean zip your lip for the millisecond that it takes to register that:

• you’re not actually in good control of your emotions
• you haven’t got the whole issue in perspective
• this is about a myriad of other small unconnected irritants
• this may not actually matter in 24 hours, next week or next year.

And then take a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath

Say something  like, “I know I need to gather myself together.  Can we come back to this when I’ve collected my thoughts and calmed down?  I really want to have this discussion, just not in this way!”

… and walk away and do just that!

Go take a walk around the block.  Go sit in the toilet and deep breathe for five minutes.  Go and channel the energy into something fruitful.  Just go …

… and come back later, just as you promised, and complete the discussion.  (And I don’t mean days/months/years later)

Try it and let me know how you get on?

In fact, if you have tried it either successfully or abysmally failing, share your thoughts and comments below!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

I thought you might want to know about it – if you’re a lady that is. See I’m helping build better relationships between you and me with this heads-up ladies;-)!

She has three handbag organisers to be won.

Switch bags in seconds! Every bag must have one….

Change handbags without having to dump all your things out.

Fantastic for those change outfit – change handbag moments – quick and easy and ensures you never forget to grab your essentials out of your handbag when in a hurry and no time to check through all the pockets. [more]

Go check out the details and get yourselves into that prize draw.  It closes THIS SUNDAY, so get cracking!  And don’t say I never tell you anything!!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.