Your partner is NOT going to change just because you want a healthier relationship.  All humans are predominantly driven by an element of WIIFM.  What’s In It For Me?

The first step has to start with you.

When you make changes in your attitude, perspectives, awareness, and behaviour, that’s when the dynamics in your relationship start to change.

Your partner may make not one jot of change!  But still your relationship is different.  It may improve just because you are in a different head space.  Even if it doesn’t shift your partner’s attitudes, perspectives, awareness, or behaviour, you are still better informed about your relationship.  You’re in a better place to make informed decisions.

That’s why I regularly work with just one party in a couple relationship.  Because it’s amazing what can happen if you take back some sense of control or even if you “let go”.

... like ripples in a pool ...

Thanks to Karen Wallace from The Calm Space‘s recommendation, I was reading a simple blog post by Miki De Vivo of  The Still Space.

She wrote about how she made one change in her life and how it created a little win for her as a parent.  I loved how she sat with this little tiny win that perhaps only she would notice, and felt satisfied.  She knew it wasn’t world-shaking, but it just might shake HER world!

Wouldn’t you like that to happen in your world?   How much of a difference would it make if that little change was in your relationship?  How would that impact your happiness and contentment?

Like ripples in a pool, a  tiny attitudinal change can help you become less stressed about how your relationship is being shaken up by parenting, money woes, your sex life, sharing the chores, or even that intrusive Mother-In-Law!

Would you like to try it and see?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

Knowing I needed to write about the theme, my mind was instantly drawn to the fact that I haven’t yet sat down with SweetP this year and done our annual review of our relationship.

It’s a bit of an evaluation and an opportunity to talk about joys and sorrows, excitements and pain.

It’s certainly one of the ways we take our relationship seriously, and also how we can take a proactive stance at maintaining a healthy relationship, and making it a better relationship as well.

I t would be even more important if ours was a Second Marriage, like some of my clients and readers are currently experiencing.

So what will we be talking about?

There’s a whole pile of questions I created over at The Calm Space, but I’ll let you in, dear reader, on what SweetP and I will be talking about.

There’s no question our first big overseas adventure will be up there on the list.  We learned a lot more about being together, as we were forced by anonymity (and at times language) to rely on each other through that journey.  So, there’s much to talk about there.

SweetP is the money-worrier in our family, so I’m sure there’ll be fuel for discussion there too.

Retirement is nearer, so both our financial management and our conflicts around financial management, will be part of the discussion.

With retirement comes the issue of spending more time with each other.  SweetP is currently transitioning to retirement by now working part-time.  So how we manage spending 24 hours a day in each others’ company will be on the list as well.

And of course there’s more things, grandchildren, our adult children, our ailing parents etc etc.

So I think that our annual review will be part of this coming weekend.

Perhaps we’ll go out and have some yummy brekky, then go somewhere beautiful, perhaps beside a river, and talk together.

What did/will you do for your annual review?

Oh?  Not been there before?  Well why not head over to The Calm Space and have a read of my article so you can plan a review too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

For those of you who got interested in Pink Apple’s exploration of Kissing a few days ago, we wanted to share just a little more on that theme.

Of course kissing is highly relevant when you’re talking about healthy relationships or techniques to make your relationship happier, healthier, better, or just more fun!

As I meandered through Mamamia (Mia Freedman)’s site just now, I found a post with links to some kissing videos.  It’s dated well after our little exploration so we must have got it going.  Mustn’t we?

I definitely think it’s worth a look!  Who know you might even get some technique tips!   Click here or on the picture to be taken to the article.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

No!  Not of all the people YOU have kissed!

Uhuh!

Let’s create a Pink Apple “Best of …”?  Shall we call it a Best of Public Kisses?

Name your most memorable kiss of Stage/Screen or Real Life?

Was it Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost? ( I must say I quite like this one!)

Or as Mamamia suggested Johnny and Baby in Dirty Dancing?

An oldie like Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart, or Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh  in Gone With the Wind?

Perhaps the current Twilight obsession has you in its spell?

Maybe you’re a small screen freak and would nominate something from Friends, or Bones or Grey’s Anatomy?

Or do your tastes lean more towards the real life?  Something like the sacrificial Virgin – Diana being kissed by Charles on the balcony after their wedding?

Or do you prefer optimism with your kisses like the recent Wills and Kate Kiss?

Share your preferences with us all?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

Keeping the Kissing Thing Going

Seeing we started a kissing theme earlier this week, let’s keep going?

When you’re in your 50s like me, remembering back to your first kiss might be a stretch!

Or perhaps, YOUR first kiss was so dazzling that you became totally hooked and you’ve never been able to give up your addiction.  And you’ve certainly never FORGOTTEN it, or it’s after effects!

The fact that I have such foggy memories of my first kiss says to me it wasn’t too sparkling!

I think it was at a school dance in one of the few unpatrolled corridors of the local boys school.

Nice but brief if I recall.

Definitely not sordid but nothing to write home about.  (Sorry Kevin wherever you are!.  At least, I think his name was Kevin!)

That’s damning it with faint praise isn’t it? “Nice”!  (aka: is that all there is?)

Tell Us The Truth About Your First Kiss?

What about you?

Was it a kiss stolen in the dark of the cinema, or in a dark corner of the bus stop?  Was it what you expected?  Was it romantic or just plain boring?

Were you worried about technique?  About how to stop your nose from getting in the way?  Or how to breathe through a long snogging session?  (Were my friends and I the only ones who discussed these technique issues?)

Did it take your breath away?  Or was it “nice” but infinitely forgettable like mine?

Were you instantly in love?  Or just turned on to the pleasures of lust ?

How old were you?

When was your last public pash?

How much are kisses still important to you?

What part do you think kisses play in a healthy relationship?

Come on, let’s talk KISSING?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Regards

Chris Owen

For some it’s a fairly chaste peck, an obligatory smooch, or even an air kiss!

For others it’s a full on “pash” session.  (Often to choruses of “get a room” from the surrounding jealous crowd!)

Kissing is such an important part of  healthy relationships and a good sex life.  It’s a chance for instant intimacy, a way of saying “I love you”!.

So how was your first kiss of the year?  Was it a good old fashioned snog?  Or was it more down the “air kiss” end of the spectrum? Which category did you fall into?

SweetP (love of my life) and I spent a delightful evening (away from Casa Pink Apple) with old and new friends  and watched the Melbourne fireworks from a city balcony while sipping some yummy French Champagne!

And our kiss?

Let’s just say it was romantic and tender and I forgot the people around me as I sank into the moment.

So come on, tell us what kind of kiss makes you forgot about everything going on around you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

But you’ll find out more about all that over the next few weeks.  (Yes I’m keeping you in suspenders!  )

The very first thing is something very PRACTICAL!

With the changes to technology (and competition between telcos!) I have cancelled my fax line and I now use an online fax service for the rare occasions when someone wants to send a fax.  So if you want to send me a fax, contact me for the number.

And now we have also merged our phone lines.

NO LONGER will Pink Apple be available on 03 9877 1469.

Of course, you can still contact me via skype, mobile, or on our NEW PHONE NUMBER 03 9878 2028.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of http://www.pinkapple.com.au

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Well, it’s today in Australia where my bottom currently spreads onto my computer chair!

Personally I won’t have a bar of all those new year resolutions. I think they’re a load of hogwash!

But that’s not to say that I don’t make changes in my personal life, in my couple relationship, and in my business.

So what I’m proposing, is that YOU join ME and flip the bird (or politely wave goodbye) to all that Resolutions nonsense and sit back and watch everybody else have grand plans and fall in a heap within Hours Days or weeks.

In the meantime, we’ll quietly get on with introducing any changes we may want to bring to parts of our personal worlds, at our own pace and with our own chosen level of anonymity. And anything we do will have some built-in accountability, because we can see that will help us get on with it.

Do you want to follow like a sheep?

We’ll be doing all this WITHOUT upping the pressure on ourselves by all that nonsensical, lemming-like (or maybe sheep-like) following of  a tradition that gets the media talking about it. (That alone should make warning bells go off in our heads!) Instantly our chances of success will skyrocket because the pressure isn’t there.

Of course you might not want to make any changes, or right now might not be the right time to implement change. That’s part of the reason why I think NY resolutions are crap. So you’ll get to sit back and enjoy the show.

My only advice is don’t get sucked into feeling weird, lazy or guilty. JUST NO NEED!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

http://www.pinkapple.com.au

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Kiwi, Sean D’Souza and his business Psychotactics.com. I’ve been a committed user of  their website and newsletter for a long time and have found it to have some great business/marketing information.

Just the other day, I got an invitation that said Psychotactics was giving away a workshop they sell for $2500. And, that they are doing a test and giving a limited number of copies away absolutely FREE…No charge. This workshop, the Brain Alchemy Masterclass, explains why structure—not marketing—is critical to growing a business effectively.

A free giveaway like this would normally have a catch of some sort, but this one (strangely) doesn’t. Nor is there any spinoff for me in sharing this.  Nor is it one of those dodgy offers that sound great until you discover it’s been a  freebie for yonks.  This is a definite GREAT OFFER.

I’ve made sure I’ve signed up to their waiting list, so that I can get my copy of these goodies soon. You should check it out, and if you find it useful, you should get on the waiting list before it’s filled.

I’m sending you this note because sharing good fortune is part of being in a relationship.   I recommend you check it out and judge for yourself.

Here’s the link: http://www.psychotactics.com/free-goodies

BTW, I read somewhere on the page that there’s a deadline for this free offer, so have a look and decide.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships

Either from our own experience or from observation of friends and family, we all know how painful marriage breakdown can be.

Chris Owen, a Melbourne-based Relationship Coach, helps couples who worry that their second marriage could fall apart like their first did.  Chris helps them become skilled in their communications so that they can be confident that they won’t be repeating old destructive relationship patterns.

]]> http://www.pinkapple.com.au/2011/11/heads-up-on-a-great-freebie-for-business-colleagues/feed/ 0 http://www.pinkapple.com.au/2011/10/warney-liz-choose-a-relationship-advisor/ http://www.pinkapple.com.au/2011/10/warney-liz-choose-a-relationship-advisor/#comments Wed, 12 Oct 2011 20:46:29 +0000 Chris http://www.pinkapple.com.au/?p=940 With news of Shane Warne and Liz Hurley’s engagement setting Twitter afire last week, I wanted to write to Warney, here on the Better Relationships Blog.

Clearly I’m not really Warney and Liz’s Relationship Coach.  And I’d never break confidentiality like that!

But this ex-IVF nurse and midwife-turned Relationship-Advisor knows a thing or two about relationships under stress.  And of course I have 37 years experience in my own marriage.

So I thought I’d make this a series of Letters to Warney, where I’ll explore some of the issues that you might consider if you wanted to avoid making the same mistakes in your second marriage as you made in your first.

But this is a community we have here.

So why not let me know which topics/bits of advice you’d like me to give Warney and Liz, and all my avid readers?

I’ve also plucked up the courage got very courageous and recorded my letter to Warney.

So if you’d like to listen rather than read, then click on the arrow below!

Dear Warney

Chris Owen here from Pink Apple. And yes I’d be delighted to mentor you both into your new marriage.

Of course, I’m very grateful for you so generously suggesting I can report on our sessions together and share it with all my interested readers.

I must say, watching you both fall in lust love over the last ten months has reminded this old “Togethered” of that first flush of exhilarating romance.  Surprisingly enough we’ve all had that feeling, and, no you didn’t invent it!

Tumbling into that euphoric bliss is just the best fun, isn’t it?  It’s like being on the most exciting and the most scarey rollercoaster!  While those dazzling days might be short-lived, it’s an extravaganza while it happens, isn’t it?

Well, it is for those falling in love.  Maybe not so much for the long-suffering friends and family who kind of get left on the sidelines.  After all, those all-absorbing seconds in each other’s company take over your every waking thought!  And as for work, you’re hopelessly unproductive aren’t you?  We all know what that’s like!

Not that you’ve been shy at all!  We’ve watched each flirtatious step shared on Twitter.  You funky little Gen Xers, you!

But it did make we wonder if you’ve been as diligent in keeping up with the people who may help make the difference for you both when the going gets tougher.  Because of course it does get tougher.  But you know that already don’t you?

You know all that frothy Romantic Love is meant to morph into something else, don’t you Warney?  Of course you do, you’ve been married before.

You’re wiser now.  You know there’s a whole new phase of Depth and Intimacy to come, don’t you?  There won’t be any of that sliding into ordinary, everyday, disappointing, disillusioning marriage for you two, will there?

That’s what our work together will help with!

Can’t wait to begin work and share this with my avid readers.

And don’t forget I’ll expect you to do your homework!

Regards

Pink Apple

Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?