Posts Tagged ‘better relationships’
A Tiny Breakthrough Can Make All The Difference in Your Relationship
If you want to change how things are in your relationship, then it’s up to you!
Your partner is NOT going to change just because you want a healthier relationship. All humans are predominantly driven by an element of WIIFM. What’s In It For Me?
The first step has to start with you.
When you make changes in your attitude, perspectives, awareness, and behaviour, that’s when the dynamics in your relationship start to change.
Your partner may make not one jot of change! But still your relationship is different. It may improve just because you are in a different head space. Even if it doesn’t shift your partner’s attitudes, perspectives, awareness, or behaviour, you are still better informed about your relationship. You’re in a better place to make informed decisions.
That’s why I regularly work with just one party in a couple relationship. Because it’s amazing what can happen if you take back some sense of control or even if you “let go”.
... like ripples in a pool ...
Thanks to Karen Wallace from The Calm Space‘s recommendation, I was reading a simple blog post by Miki De Vivo of The Still Space.
She wrote about how she made one change in her life and how it created a little win for her as a parent. I loved how she sat with this little tiny win that perhaps only she would notice, and felt satisfied. She knew it wasn’t world-shaking, but it just might shake HER world!
Wouldn’t you like that to happen in your world? How much of a difference would it make if that little change was in your relationship? How would that impact your happiness and contentment?
Like ripples in a pool, a tiny attitudinal change can help you become less stressed about how your relationship is being shaken up by parenting, money woes, your sex life, sharing the chores, or even that intrusive Mother-In-Law!
Would you like to try it and see?
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Warm regards
Chris Owen
Healthy Relationship Advice
Over at The Calm Space this month, the theme is “becoming”.
Knowing I needed to write about the theme, my mind was instantly drawn to the fact that I haven’t yet sat down with SweetP this year and done our annual review of our relationship.
It’s a bit of an evaluation and an opportunity to talk about joys and sorrows, excitements and pain.
It’s certainly one of the ways we take our relationship seriously, and also how we can take a proactive stance at maintaining a healthy relationship, and making it a better relationship as well.
I t would be even more important if ours was a Second Marriage, like some of my clients and readers are currently experiencing.
So what will we be talking about?
There’s a whole pile of questions I created over at The Calm Space, but I’ll let you in, dear reader, on what SweetP and I will be talking about.
There’s no question our first big overseas adventure will be up there on the list. We learned a lot more about being together, as we were forced by anonymity (and at times language) to rely on each other through that journey. So, there’s much to talk about there.
SweetP is the money-worrier in our family, so I’m sure there’ll be fuel for discussion there too.
Retirement is nearer, so both our financial management and our conflicts around financial management, will be part of the discussion.
With retirement comes the issue of spending more time with each other. SweetP is currently transitioning to retirement by now working part-time. So how we manage spending 24 hours a day in each others’ company will be on the list as well.
And of course there’s more things, grandchildren, our adult children, our ailing parents etc etc.
So I think that our annual review will be part of this coming weekend.
Perhaps we’ll go out and have some yummy brekky, then go somewhere beautiful, perhaps beside a river, and talk together.
What did/will you do for your annual review?
Oh? Not been there before? Well why not head over to The Calm Space and have a read of my article so you can plan a review too.
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Warm regards
Chris Owen
Advanced Kissing!
Pink Apple must have started the trend.
For those of you who got interested in Pink Apple’s exploration of Kissing a few days ago, we wanted to share just a little more on that theme.
Of course kissing is highly relevant when you’re talking about healthy relationships or techniques to make your relationship happier, healthier, better, or just more fun!
As I meandered through Mamamia (Mia Freedman)’s site just now, I found a post with links to some kissing videos. It’s dated well after our little exploration so we must have got it going. Mustn’t we?
I definitely think it’s worth a look! Who know you might even get some technique tips! Click here or on the picture to be taken to the article.
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Warm regards
Chris Owen
Phone Number Change for Pink Apple
There is much change afoot at Pink Apple.
But you’ll find out more about all that over the next few weeks. (Yes I’m keeping you in suspenders! 
)
The very first thing is something very PRACTICAL!
With the changes to technology (and competition between telcos!) I have cancelled my fax line and I now use an online fax service for the rare occasions when someone wants to send a fax. So if you want to send me a fax, contact me for the number.
And now we have also merged our phone lines.
NO LONGER will Pink Apple be available on 03 9877 1469.
Of course, you can still contact me via skype, mobile, or on our NEW PHONE NUMBER 03 9878 2028.
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Chris Owen of http://www.pinkapple.com.au
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Heads-Up On a Great Freebie for Business Colleagues
I know you normally hear me talking about relationships but sometimes it’s a business relationship that takes my breath away.
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Kiwi, Sean D’Souza and his business Psychotactics.com. I’ve been a committed user of their website and newsletter for a long time and have found it to have some great business/marketing information.
Just the other day, I got an invitation that said Psychotactics was giving away a workshop they sell for $2500. And, that they are doing a test and giving a limited number of copies away absolutely FREE…No charge. This workshop, the Brain Alchemy Masterclass, explains why structure—not marketing—is critical to growing a business effectively.
A free giveaway like this would normally have a catch of some sort, but this one (strangely) doesn’t. Nor is there any spinoff for me in sharing this. Nor is it one of those dodgy offers that sound great until you discover it’s been a freebie for yonks. This is a definite GREAT OFFER.
I’ve made sure I’ve signed up to their waiting list, so that I can get my copy of these goodies soon. You should check it out, and if you find it useful, you should get on the waiting list before it’s filled.
I’m sending you this note because sharing good fortune is part of being in a relationship. I recommend you check it out and judge for yourself.
Here’s the link: http://www.psychotactics.com/free-goodies
BTW, I read somewhere on the page that there’s a deadline for this free offer, so have a look and decide.
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships
Either from our own experience or from observation of friends and family, we all know how painful marriage breakdown can be.
Chris Owen, a Melbourne-based Relationship Coach, helps couples who worry that their second marriage could fall apart like their first did. Chris helps them become skilled in their communications so that they can be confident that they won’t be repeating old destructive relationship patterns.
Simple Relationship Advice for Social Media Lovers
Today in the Melbourne Herald-Sun, it was reported that a small study conducted by Relationships Australia suggests that Facebook and other social media is impacting relationships. Relationships Australia says:
Lovers on the rocks are now airing issues in counselling sessions that have arisen from social media, chat rooms and dating websites…
Yes social media is fun and a quick and savvy way to keep up with each other, but I’m sorry I don’t think you can link social media to CAUSES of relationship breakdown! It’s more like a way of seeing a symptom of problems!
True, you might find FUEL for your conflicts on social media, but if it wasn’t there, it would be on your partner’s mobile, or at the pub, or anywhere that the usual relationship conflict issues arise.
If trust (jealousy) is an issue in your relationship, then it will be; whether you’re on Facebook or not!
If you’re feeling rejected by your partner, then if it wasn’t your partner’s time on Twitter that was leaving you dejected, it would be something else.
Be brave and talk about it, preferably staying grown up and without fighting!
But if you do, then Fight Fair! (More on that later!)
And if you can’t do either of those then get some help!
I have a FEW empty appointments at the moment so give me a call if you need to.
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships
Chris Owen is an Aussie-based Relationship Advisor who muses on relationships, and helps couples make their relationships joy-filled – before it’s too late!
She shares resources, offers support, and debunks myths on Facebook and Twitter as well as here at the Better Relationships Blog.
How Does Being A “Victim” Help Your New Relationship?
John Cleese (photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/lucvanbraekel/)
This morning I watched John Cleese being interviewed on Australia’s Channel 9 morning TV programme the Today show. He’s currently in Australia on his “alimony tour”.
Others may have seen a somewhat pompous “funny man”, perhaps a little past his prime. What I couldn’t get past, was his endless “holding on” to a VICTIM mentality over the outrage of having to pay large alimony costs to his third wife.
I couldn’t help wonder if he put as much emotional energy into:
- knowing himself and his behaviour patterns better after the two previous wives before entering a third marriage?
- putting aside his ego enough during the marriage to offer respect and goodwill (as well as love of course) to his wife?
- actively working at being authentically the BEST husband he could be?
- and taking responsibility for his own behaviours in the relationship?
In light of the persistent bitterness I been hearing for months from John Cleese about how badly done by he is for this alimony outrage, METHINKS NOT!
When your marriage breaks down and reaches the point of divorce, we all know it is unenviably stressful. No-one would wish it on themselves, or even their enemies! So it’s especially sad when the stress turns into bitter and twisted.
It does no-one any good, most particularly the person unable to move forward emotionally, because they are still clinging to the bitterness of their marriage breakdown.
When baggage gets in the way
No-onecan “move towards” a new way of life when they can’t “move away from” or let go of the past. If that’s happening in your life then warning bells should be clanging in your head!
Imagine the emotional energy drain that must cause! So busy being angry and bitter about the past, that you can’t own your own contribution to the breakdown of the relationship. You’re not going to turn up to a new relationship authentically while that baggage hangs around!
Believe me, there is ALWAYS some degree of mutual contribution for which each partner needs to take responsibility. It might be simple things like:
- poor decisions,
- ignoring intuition or warning signs,
- failing to establish how mutual your values and beliefs were,
- or even failing to create an environment where trust can grow.
- Or it could be a massive contribution like abuse,
- the destruction of trust
- or any one of the many hurts couples can inflict on each other.
No-one’s saying it’s easy to get over the many pains of marriage breakdown but it is encumbent on you to do so before you enter a new relationship. Otherwise your baggage will sink it, before it can swim!
Today Cleese made reference to a new relationship seemingly moving towards marriage. How can that possibly be a success while one partner has such a tight grip on the evils of the past relationship?
It makes me wonder who’s helping the latest lady in Cleese’s life open her eyes.
Or do you see things differently? I’d love to hear!
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships
Chris Owen is an Aussie-based Relationship Advisor who muses on relationships, and helps couples make their relationships joy-filled – before it’s too late!
She shares resources, offers support, and debunks myths on Facebook and Twitter as well as here at the Better Relationships Blog.
Why Relationship Coaching and Not Counselling for Better Relationships?
Relationships are the most important thing in the world to me. That is why I love what I do. I get to help people find the best way to nurture the special relationships in their lives.
When couples come to me they are often in a state of total turmoil. They have lost their way, they have lost their connection and they have lost themselves. What they want from me is a solution to the situation. They want a magic key to unlock the glorious future that they had planned when they first became a couple.
I help them to find the magic key that fits best and I show them how to use it. That is why I am a relationship coach rather than counsellor.
So you want to know what the difference is.
Let me explain it this way. If you were a footballer who was having trouble kicking that goal, what would help you most – someone who works with you to find a better way of kicking or someone who helps you examine your feelings about the situation? I thought so. You want to kick those goals, don’t you? You need someone to coach you so that you can make the best kick possible.
While there is definitely a place for both roles, and quite often there is an overlap between them. I believe that the solution-focused approach of coaching is the best way to avert a march to the divorce court.
Counselling often involves looking backwards and examining the events that got you to this point. You may learn a lot about why you feel the way you do. It can help to resolve a lot of the sensitive emotions dangling between you and your partner, but it may not show you how to move forward. Coaching is just like solving a problem. It is all about identifying solutions and helping couples develop new skills to help them move forward.
How Do We Do It?
Pink Apple uses several different tools for coaching.
One of those comes from the professional development techniques of the workplace. Pink Apple helps you bring those to the privacy of your home and relationship with surprising success.
The Relating Better Program walks you through a unique problem solving process. It helps you identify your own and your partner’s problem solving styles and how they align – and more to the point how they CLASH.
With new insights you can both learn how to understand each other better. Understanding means you avoid the mounting tensions and conflicts that arise from frustration with your different styles. Relating Better demonstrates how to use new strategies to get off the merry-go-round of problem solving leading to conflict!
I can’t tell you how much old Pink Apple here LOVES seeing couples take control of their futures.
My happiest moments as a coach are when I see couples walk off with hope in their eyes, a newly blossoming trust in each other and a clear road to take.
If you or your partner needs to learn some new skills within your relationship then come and see me. It would be my absolute pleasure to be your coach.
What Advice Would You Have Given Yourself to Make a Better Relationship?
There’a a bit of discussion going on over on Pink Apple’s Page on Facebook.
It all started because I was thinking back to the bride and groom Pink Apple Blossom and her Young SweetP walking up the aisle. (Yes it WAS a MIGHTY long time ago!!)
Knowing what we know now, I wondered what advice/reassurance would I whisper in that nervous bride’s ear, or SweetP into that fearful groom’s ear?
SweetP tells me he’d have waited till the groom caught sight of the bride, and said “If you think this is good, just wait, it only gets better!”
Me? I’d have held the shaking Apple Blossom’s hand and told her she was about to “discover the real Chris, and learn what love and joy can really be“.
So what about you?
What wisdom would you have shared?
What reassurance would you have liked to know, way back then?
Go on, you know what you’d say.
Tell us in the Comments here, or pop over to Facebook and participate over there!
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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.
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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.
If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test? You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship. Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!
Are You Searching For Better Relationships With Gen Y?
Ask any manager or employer at the moment about what the challenges are at the moment in business and along with mutterings or cheers about the GFC, the words Gen Y ring out like clanging bells!
It seems that we Boomers, and even Gen Xers (which always surprises me), struggle with what to do with our tech-savvy, know-their-own-mind, Gen Y brethren!
As a Relationships Advisor focused more on couples, Gen Xers and Boomers are my target market. So I don’t have a lot of need to deal with the issue. But I’m hearing a lot of pain out there.
So my ears pricked up when my friend Ann Buik told me she was going to run a workshop on the topic of Gen Ys in the workplace. As a workplace leadership expert and executives’ coach, it made sense that she’d have this kind of issue in her armoury of advice.
This workshop was originally planned for earlier this month, but with Ann taking on a new role with my old friend Ross Mitchell from Nesso, and some marketing glitches, it was rescheduled! I must say I’m very pleased about that. That means I could get the word out to all of you people in pain!
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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.
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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.
If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test? You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship. Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!
