Posts Tagged ‘Chris Owen’
A Tiny Breakthrough Can Make All The Difference in Your Relationship
If you want to change how things are in your relationship, then it’s up to you!
Your partner is NOT going to change just because you want a healthier relationship. All humans are predominantly driven by an element of WIIFM. What’s In It For Me?
The first step has to start with you.
When you make changes in your attitude, perspectives, awareness, and behaviour, that’s when the dynamics in your relationship start to change.
Your partner may make not one jot of change! But still your relationship is different. It may improve just because you are in a different head space. Even if it doesn’t shift your partner’s attitudes, perspectives, awareness, or behaviour, you are still better informed about your relationship. You’re in a better place to make informed decisions.
That’s why I regularly work with just one party in a couple relationship. Because it’s amazing what can happen if you take back some sense of control or even if you “let go”.
Thanks to Karen Wallace from The Calm Space‘s recommendation, I was reading a simple blog post by Miki De Vivo of The Still Space.
She wrote about how she made one change in her life and how it created a little win for her as a parent. I loved how she sat with this little tiny win that perhaps only she would notice, and felt satisfied. She knew it wasn’t world-shaking, but it just might shake HER world!
Wouldn’t you like that to happen in your world? How much of a difference would it make if that little change was in your relationship? How would that impact your happiness and contentment?
Like ripples in a pool, a tiny attitudinal change can help you become less stressed about how your relationship is being shaken up by parenting, money woes, your sex life, sharing the chores, or even that intrusive Mother-In-Law!
Would you like to try it and see?
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I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Warm regards
Chris Owen
Advanced Kissing!
Pink Apple must have started the trend.
For those of you who got interested in Pink Apple’s exploration of Kissing a few days ago, we wanted to share just a little more on that theme.
Of course kissing is highly relevant when you’re talking about healthy relationships or techniques to make your relationship happier, healthier, better, or just more fun!
As I meandered through Mamamia (Mia Freedman)’s site just now, I found a post with links to some kissing videos. It’s dated well after our little exploration so we must have got it going. Mustn’t we?
I definitely think it’s worth a look! Who know you might even get some technique tips! Click here or on the picture to be taken to the article.
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I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Warm regards
Chris Owen
The Truth About New Year Kisses
The stroke of midnight of a New Year is a traditional kissing time isn’t it?
For some it’s a fairly chaste peck, an obligatory smooch, or even an air kiss!
For others it’s a full on “pash” session. (Often to choruses of “get a room” from the surrounding jealous crowd!)
Kissing is such an important part of healthy relationships and a good sex life. It’s a chance for instant intimacy, a way of saying “I love you”!.
So how was your first kiss of the year? Was it a good old fashioned snog? Or was it more down the “air kiss” end of the spectrum? Which category did you fall into?
SweetP (love of my life) and I spent a delightful evening (away from Casa Pink Apple) with old and new friends and watched the Melbourne fireworks from a city balcony while sipping some yummy French Champagne!
And our kiss?
Let’s just say it was romantic and tender and I forgot the people around me as I sank into the moment.
So come on, tell us what kind of kiss makes you forgot about everything going on around you?
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I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Phone Number Change for Pink Apple
There is much change afoot at Pink Apple.
But you’ll find out more about all that over the next few weeks. (Yes I’m keeping you in suspenders!
)
The very first thing is something very PRACTICAL!
With the changes to technology (and competition between telcos!) I have cancelled my fax line and I now use an online fax service for the rare occasions when someone wants to send a fax. So if you want to send me a fax, contact me for the number.
And now we have also merged our phone lines.
NO LONGER will Pink Apple be available on 03 9877 1469.
Of course, you can still contact me via skype, mobile, or on our NEW PHONE NUMBER 03 9878 2028.
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I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Will You PLEASE Answer the Question?
Some people are very clever at keeping people at bay, so they don’t have to REALLY answer any questions put to them.
Sure, it’s annoying! But is it such a big deal? I asked a mate, who’s a bloke, (Warwick Merry) to guest post …
Will You Please Answer The Question?
So often on TV shows that have a court room scene, some lawyer will ask a witness a question, that is responded to but not answered. Typically the lawyer interrupts with a very firm, “Will you please answer the question?”
Keep this in mind for Thursday.
You see, Thursday is R U OK Day. This has come about because people (particularly men) won’t answer the question.
We are in the habit of responding to “Are you ok?” with “I’m fine”.
What most men don’t realise is that FINE stands for:
F*&ked up,
Insecure,
Neurotic and
Emotional.
We don’t like exposing how we are feeling. We carry invisible burdens that only we see and feel (and they are heavy burdens). For some men, and more and more women, these invisible burdens get so heavy that we get confused. In that confusion, suicide seems like a valid option.
The founder of the RUOK organisation, Gavin Larkin, founded it because his successful and gregarious father suicided. (See Gavin’s story on Australian Story tonight on Australia’s ABC). Gavin felt that a simple conversation started with the question R U OK would help combat the rising suicide numbers in Australia.
The question R U OK is very important, but not as important as the answer.
So on Thursday, don’t forget to ask the question to some of your friends, and if someone asks you the question, answer it! Don’t have them feeling like the lawyer shouting “Will you please answer the question!” A problem shared is a problem halved. For those men (typically in senior roles) who are thinking, “I couldn’t answer the question it would ruin my reputation, authority, ego or whatever” – today’s Get More Goer is dedicated to you.
Will you PLEASE answer the question?
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Warwick Merry is The Get More Guy. Helping people and business Get More Results, More Energy and More Fun.
How Does Being A “Victim” Help Your New Relationship?
This morning I watched John Cleese being interviewed on Australia’s Channel 9 morning TV programme the Today show. He’s currently in Australia on his “alimony tour”.
Others may have seen a somewhat pompous “funny man”, perhaps a little past his prime. What I couldn’t get past, was his endless “holding on” to a VICTIM mentality over the outrage of having to pay large alimony costs to his third wife.
I couldn’t help wonder if he put as much emotional energy into:
- knowing himself and his behaviour patterns better after the two previous wives before entering a third marriage?
- putting aside his ego enough during the marriage to offer respect and goodwill (as well as love of course) to his wife?
- actively working at being authentically the BEST husband he could be?
- and taking responsibility for his own behaviours in the relationship?
In light of the persistent bitterness I been hearing for months from John Cleese about how badly done by he is for this alimony outrage, METHINKS NOT!
When your marriage breaks down and reaches the point of divorce, we all know it is unenviably stressful. No-one would wish it on themselves, or even their enemies! So it’s especially sad when the stress turns into bitter and twisted.
It does no-one any good, most particularly the person unable to move forward emotionally, because they are still clinging to the bitterness of their marriage breakdown.
No-onecan “move towards” a new way of life when they can’t “move away from” or let go of the past. If that’s happening in your life then warning bells should be clanging in your head!
Imagine the emotional energy drain that must cause! So busy being angry and bitter about the past, that you can’t own your own contribution to the breakdown of the relationship. You’re not going to turn up to a new relationship authentically while that baggage hangs around!
Believe me, there is ALWAYS some degree of mutual contribution for which each partner needs to take responsibility. It might be simple things like:
- poor decisions,
- ignoring intuition or warning signs,
- failing to establish how mutual your values and beliefs were,
- or even failing to create an environment where trust can grow.
- Or it could be a massive contribution like abuse,
- the destruction of trust
- or any one of the many hurts couples can inflict on each other.
No-one’s saying it’s easy to get over the many pains of marriage breakdown but it is encumbent on you to do so before you enter a new relationship. Otherwise your baggage will sink it, before it can swim!
Today Cleese made reference to a new relationship seemingly moving towards marriage. How can that possibly be a success while one partner has such a tight grip on the evils of the past relationship?
It makes me wonder who’s helping the latest lady in Cleese’s life open her eyes.
Or do you see things differently? I’d love to hear!
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Chris Owen is an Aussie-based Relationship Advisor who muses on relationships, and helps couples make their relationships joy-filled – before it’s too late!
She shares resources, offers support, and debunks myths on Facebook and Twitter as well as here at the Better Relationships Blog.
























