It seems that we Boomers, and even Gen Xers (which always surprises me),  struggle with what to do with our tech-savvy, know-their-own-mind, Gen Y brethren!

As a Relationships Advisor focused more on couples, Gen Xers and Boomers are my target market.  So I don’t have a lot of need to deal with the issue.  But I’m hearing a lot of pain out there.

So my ears pricked up when my friend Ann Buik told me she was going to run a workshop on the topic of Gen Ys in the workplace.  As a workplace leadership expert and executives’ coach, it made sense that she’d have this kind of issue in her armoury of advice.

This workshop was originally planned for earlier this month, but with Ann taking on a new role with my old friend Ross Mitchell from Nesso, and some marketing glitches, it was rescheduled!  I must say I’m very pleased about that.  That means I could get the word out to all of you people in pain!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Sometimes Karen’s selected theme is so resonant that my contribution practically writes itself.  But I wasn’t feeling very wonderous, wonderful or even wondering.

There were sad and unsettling things happening in my life, and those of some of my closest friends.  Wonder didn’t sit well at all!

Totally barren in the ideas department, I struggled to find how wonder and better relationships might fit and how I could authentically write about it.

And then I read an article about fighting and I knew!

I knew heaps about fighting from bitter experience, and still now SweetP and I will have the odd fight that strikes like a whirlwind and leaves us wondering what happened to us.

So this month’s Relationship Space Wondering What You Could Do For A Better Relationship? is devoted to a reflection on fighting and changing how we do it.

I’m wondering if anyone will try the technique and let us all know how it goes!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Every month The Calm Space has a theme.  Each week, 3 or 4 of the contributors add some more food for thought on the month’s theme. As the month progresses, the roots of the theme get tickled and tackled. Opinions arise, stories develop, and sometimes controversy takes the stage!

This month’s theme is “purpose”.

Now, I’d argue that purpose is a bit of a new-age, coach-induced phenomenon.

And I’m a coach – kind of!

If the Calm Space is about moving “from stress serenity one step at a time” then I reckon purpose should be given a good kick in the backside!

So I’m reluctant to add having a purpose to the relationship “shoulds” that hang like boulders around our necks.

I figure that just like you learn to pick your battles with your adolescent children, there are other more important relationship “battles” to attack, than having a purpose! [more]

What do you think?

Oh by the way, Karen offers an excellent e-course to get you helping yourself.  Called A Month of Me Time it’s an excellent freebie.  I suggest you try it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Triggers for conflict can be as diverse as money management, unequal libidos, parenting differences, and how you squeeze the toothpaste.

One lesser known, but highly inflammatory one is sleep-farting! (Yes pun intended!) Or to be more delicate, let’s call it flatulence.

A matter commonly only discussed in the bedrooms of couples the world over, this problem gets up lots of partner’s noses!

Oh alright, I’ll stop with the puns…

But I had to just share with you this wonderful new product …

Seeing it’s not April 1st I’m going to believe this, because I found it on the internet! Isn’t that a good enough reason?

For a good laugh, and perhaps even an opportunity to discuss this delicate issue with your partner, why not watch this wonderful advertisement?

By the way I’m so grateful to Sandi Gamble and The Huffington Post for alerting me to this fabulous product!   (Well alright I’ve no idea if it’s fabulous, but it’s amused me enough to get me blogging again, so it must be fabulous!!)  ENJOY!  And please let me know if you actually own one of these!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book
Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship. Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

As he said in his email to his subscribers  “Wouldn’t you love to personally design the mate of your  dreams?”

While that could sound a bit like Frankenstein’s monster, there is some truth in it, isn’t there.  We’ve all got a bit of a list of preferences while we’re out on the dating scene!  Come on! Admit it!!

So let’s play a game. You can now design your ideal mate. Pick from any of the traits described below and even add some you don’t see. Go wild. Create a list of all the positive traits you wish for in your mate. Your dream partner can now be assembled like ordering a new car. [more]

Peter and his wife Ellyn Bader run The Couples Institute in the US.  I am a regular reader of their work and find their techniques filtering into my own work by osmosis.

Clearly for all my Aussie readers the Bader Pearsons are only available online.  But when you have come to grips with your DIY quest and realised that perhap the two of you could do with some help to get back on track, then Pink Apple’s Solutions for Now might just fit the bill!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

So let’s assume that like all humans, not every moment of your relationship is a blissful event.  (If it is I want to talk to you and get you secrets!)

What’s more, in your loving relationship, there’s probably the occasional little quarrel, the odd fight, a quick snipe or two, the rare screaming match, a few disagreements and sometimes war breaks out!

Have you ever come across someone who told you they don’t fight?

Did they share this interesting information with a slightly righteous posture?  Did they seem just a little smug?

Of course they may be telling the truth, they may both be extremely conflict averse!  The thought of conflict may terrify them out of their wits.  So much so that they would no more “go there” than they’d step on a landmine!  However that scenario has it’s own drawbacks which is a topic for some other day.

Just be reassured that most people in relationships fight – in some form – at some time!

And that’s perfectly OK!

There is nothing wrong with having a fight.

The only way it will harm your relationship is if you don’t heal the relationship after the conflict.

But sometimes fights get out of control don’t they?  (And no, I’m not necessarily talking about “fisticuffs” or domestic violence.  And probably not even emontional abuse!)

Sometimes you say things you don’t really mean!  And they’re out of your mouth before you’ve really put your brain into full gear!

After you’ve cooled down you may even forget you’ve said it.  But maybe those few words, are burned into your partner/mum/dad/friend/sister/s brain.  Seared there forever with the scar an endless irritant.

And all for what?  Was the fight worth creating that scar?  Did the topic really matter that much?  Was the poin THAT significant?

You see that’s why…

… the best relationship advice is to walk away.

And no I don’t mean stomp out of the room in a huff!  (One of Pink Apple’s occasional failings I’m afraid!  Usually accompanied by an oh-so-satisfying slamming of the door!)

I mean zip your lip for the millisecond that it takes to register that:

• you’re not actually in good control of your emotions
• you haven’t got the whole issue in perspective
• this is about a myriad of other small unconnected irritants
• this may not actually matter in 24 hours, next week or next year.

And then take a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath

Say something  like, “I know I need to gather myself together.  Can we come back to this when I’ve collected my thoughts and calmed down?  I really want to have this discussion, just not in this way!”

… and walk away and do just that!

Go take a walk around the block.  Go sit in the toilet and deep breathe for five minutes.  Go and channel the energy into something fruitful.  Just go …

… and come back later, just as you promised, and complete the discussion.  (And I don’t mean days/months/years later)

Try it and let me know how you get on?

In fact, if you have tried it either successfully or abysmally failing, share your thoughts and comments below!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

It’s not unreasonable.  I’m sure blokes want good women to share their lives with too.

But how do “good men” get to be good men?

By effective relationships with a significant man in their life as they grow, develop, and mature.  And by powerful modelling by good men.

Good men are just ordinary men trying to do their best, be self-aware, and be prepared to admit when they’re wrong, and seek knowledge when they recognise they got a gap there!

They’re men trying to be the best they can be.  And like all of us, they’re flawed.  They get it right sometimes and wrong sometimes.

And guys there’s nothing more sexy than a good man admitting he needs advice or help.

So if our sons are to turn into good men they need relationships of depth and love with their father (for preference).

And they need ordinary men to try be the best good men they can be.

I am watching with delight as Pete Aldin author of Freaked Out Fathers takes on what I have always known was his mission in life – to help ordinary men be the best good men they can be.  And help those ordinary/good men build effective communicative relationships with their sons.

• If you (or your partner) are an ordinary man wanting to be the best good man you can be AND
• If you have sons

Then go visit these sites over at Pete’s website Great Circle

He’s currently offering

Dads and Lads Retreat weekends (for kids aged 11-13 and Dads of any age)

Covering All Bases a program for Dads (delivered by telesminar in the comfort of your home)

and Mini Pitstop (for Dads of sons aged 1-4)

There is much advice for us as general parents but little that focuses on building Dad’s confidence in their fathering and providing skills to help Dads build greta relationships with their sons.  Pete is the right man to deliver this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

But, as we all know, one woman’s precious CAN be another woman’s crap, so it was a wee bit stressful and draining!

However, I made one very precious find almost by accident.

Tucked into an old, small, wooden cigar box, that must have belonged to my Dad many years ago, I found three letters in my father’s bold, beautifully-crafted, and unmistakeable handwriting.

Yeah! You guessed it. I opened them.

In my defence, I had some conscience.   It took me quite a while to pluck up the courage to go plundering my parent’s relationship.

But how glad I was!  As I sat there with tears pouring down my face (I’m even crying now as I recall it) I felt so blessed to have this little glimpse into their early and precious relationship.

Are you shocked …

… at me invading my parent’s privacy like that?

I’m sorry if I’ve gone plummeting in your estimation!  But now that Mum’s memory has gone, it’s us, her daughters, for whom these letters have become precious. So I have no doubt in my mind any more.  I did the right thing.  The contents of that wooden box are now even more precious!

But opening that box was such a grief-flooding moment.  I could feel the physical hurt in my chest, as I caught sight of Dad’s handwriting again, after so many years.

At the sight of  those letters lying in their simple wooden cradle, I just reacted. I HAD to touch those letters, those connections with the Dad I’d lost to death, and the Mum I was losing to a disease gobbling away at her brain cells, days by day.

I ran my fingertip over the writing on the envelope.

I’d never had the chance to have an adult relationship with my Dad, he died before we had a chance to get over the polar opposite positions of my adolescence and his old age.  So despite the intervening years, the yearning in me is still powerful.  I endlessly seek to know my father as a man, the way most people get to discover their parents once they become adults and parents themselves.

In that old cigar box, were three beautifully-scribed love letters, written by my Dad to my Mum in the mid-1940s around the time of their engagement.

It suddenly felt like I was in the middle of a war-time movie.   My mum and dad seemed to leap out of the photo albums and come to life, 40’s fashions and all!

I saw two people I knew so well in a totally new and different light – madly in love. I’d never seen signs of romance, open affection, or anything else overt between them.  This was a window into A Fine Romance, a war-time romance between a quiet shy man and his friend’s secretary.

In his letters, Dad talked of how much he missed being with her, how it felt to leave her, and how wonderful it felt to see her again.

They were simple messages.  Simple words.  But powerful emotion.

The joy and excitement of his love was there in the respectful words, the gentle, tender wooing, and the encouragement he gave her. Without even a hint of eroticism, his ardour and desire for her jumped off the page.

It left me thinking about my own relationship, and grateful that some day our children will find our love letters too.

What legacy of your love are you leaving?

What do you think your children will discover after they’ve buried you?

(What’s that?  Am I being a bit too confronting?  Sorry, but we NEVER know when death will separate us from our loved ones.  Hence why we need to love well – right now!)

The quick emails, and text messages that we tend to exchange now, won’t even exist. They’ll be gone into the technical ether.

Let’s get down to tin tacks here.  Have you ever written a love letter?

Have you ever received one? Do you remember what it felt like to receive it? When I receive a love letter, the rawness and vulnerability of the message of love will bring tears of gratitude and intense emotion.

Have you kept these precious love letters?

There’s a strong argument for not losing this old and cherished skill. That is, apart from the sheer joy of receiving love letters, of course.

How much poorer would the world be if Byron hadn’t written of his love? If Charlotte Bronte or Napoleon had used texts? If Elizabeth Barrett Browning or CS Lewis had whipped off a quick email?

Have I got you thinking?

So, what do you want your partner to know about your feelings?

How often do you convey that?

So what’s stopping you from saying those things in a love letter?

Are you scared of writing a love letter? Do you think letters are only for when someone is far away? Do you believe you’re not capable of flowery/romantic language, or even of writing a letter any more? Do you think your Significant Other will think you’re an idiot?

Go on, the challenge is out! I dare you to try it. Who needs wireless broadband when you’ve got a pen?

If I’m talking to the converted, why not add some extra impetus to my argument by sharing your story in the comments below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s a load of crock!

But I guess if it gets someone to take action with a simple gesture when they would normally protest that they don’t know how to be romantic, then it can’t be ALL bad!  In fact it MIGHT contributr to better relationships SOMEHOW!

There is one advantage.

It’s a chance to look at advertisements for all those exotic locations you dream of going to.  Let’s face it for most of us, the ads are about as close as we’ll get.

But looking and dreaming and sharing that “one day if we win lotto” moment together is also a pretty good to share with your love.

So here’s some fuel for thought! This promo for the Top 10 Most Romantic Locations dropped into my Inbox the other day.  I kept it open so I could dribble and drool for a couple of days – and share it with SweetP.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.

What’s the best kissing memory of your whole life?

Do you believe that long languorous kisses only belong to new lovers?  Or in movies and TV Shows?

Do your long languorous kisses only belong in the bedroom, once you’re married/partnered? Or at least in the privacy of your own home?

Be honest!  Do long languorous kisses still have a regular place in your relationship? Do you at least do them in front of your kids?

What does a long languorous kiss mean to you?

I know it might seem like old Pink Apple has not had enough lip action, not played enough tonsil tiggy, and has generally resorted to getting her pleasures vicariously.  But it’s not true.  I’m perfectly happy with the kissing action in my life.  But my question is, are you?

Kissing is such a funny thing.

Do you remember your first ever romantic kiss?

Girls (and I guess boys) talk about it endlessly when we were teenagers.  I’m guessing that much adolescent (or pre-adolescent -sigh!) effort is put into becoming skilled at it.  How do you do it?  What about noses?  Who moves their head?  How do you breathe?  What about tongues?  It’s all so exciting, and just a bit scary.

We give it all kinds of names.  Snogging, pashing, necking, petting, smooching, sucking face.  Every era has a different name for it!

And then when we become partnered, kissing can become a perfunctory part of every day life.  There’s hellos and goodbyes, and sometimes not even that.  There’s birthday and Christmas kisses.  There’s kisses in the bedroom that are meant to send not-so-subtle messages.

But what happened to kissing for its own sake?

So recently I put one of my Relationship Tips up on the Pink Apple Facebook Fan Page and suggested a long languorous kiss just before you head out the door.

You see, it doesn’t take a lot to make you both stop and remember that this is your “Relationship” as much as it is your daily life.  Try surprising your partner with a long kiss just as you’re about to go out, and what happens?

Now if we assume you don’t suddenly decide to be late for the party and turn around and head for the bedroom…

What happens is that your surprised partner suddenly remembers who you are and why they love you.  The rest of your evening is spent with both of you just slightly distracted and with a secret smile hovering on their lips.  There’s hopes that perhaps the kissing may return when you get home.  You share a tiny little secret between you and the sense of connection between you is heightened.

They all sound like pretty good things for any relationship.

But, of course, you don’t necessarily need to be going out to break the monotony of daily life together, by injecting this spicy kiss into your twosome. It just needs to come at a time when your partner is least expecting it.  It needs to be a sexy kiss at a time when sex is not really an option.  Of course the point is to build some sexual tension/energy.

It could be the morning kiss as you depart for work that gets the long languorous touch!  Or maybe the one in the kitchen while you’re preparing dinner that evening (together of course!) That’s a good one because while your kids may protest at the “obscenity” of their parents being “yucky” or disgusting, the message you send about you as two people who love each other, is REALLY IMPORTANT!  It’s good modelling of positive relating.  And that’s one of your jobs as parents!

Or maybe, you want to be a bit more public and choose the escalator at the local shopping centre, or a lift!

Anyway you get the message …

And maybe you’ve even got some suggestions …

Feel free to leave a comment!

So my challenge to you is to give it a try and see what response you get!  Go slap a kiss on that partner of yours that will take his/her breath away.

Don’t forget to come back and tell us how it went!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert. If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.