Posts Tagged ‘friends’
Do You Remember Your First Kiss?
Keeping the Kissing Thing Going
Seeing we started a kissing theme earlier this week, let’s keep going?
When you’re in your 50s like me, remembering back to your first kiss might be a stretch!
Or perhaps, YOUR first kiss was so dazzling that you became totally hooked and you’ve never been able to give up your addiction. And you’ve certainly never FORGOTTEN it, or it’s after effects!
The fact that I have such foggy memories of my first kiss says to me it wasn’t too sparkling!
I think it was at a school dance in one of the few unpatrolled corridors of the local boys school.
Nice but brief if I recall.
Definitely not sordid but nothing to write home about. (Sorry Kevin wherever you are!. At least, I think his name was Kevin!)
That’s damning it with faint praise isn’t it? “Nice”! (aka: is that all there is?)
Tell Us The Truth About Your First Kiss?
What about you?
Was it a kiss stolen in the dark of the cinema, or in a dark corner of the bus stop? Was it what you expected? Was it romantic or just plain boring?
Were you worried about technique? About how to stop your nose from getting in the way? Or how to breathe through a long snogging session? (Were my friends and I the only ones who discussed these technique issues?)
Did it take your breath away? Or was it “nice” but infinitely forgettable like mine?
Were you instantly in love? Or just turned on to the pleasures of lust 
?
How old were you?
When was your last public pash?
How much are kisses still important to you?
What part do you think kisses play in a healthy relationship?
Come on, let’s talk KISSING?
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Regards
Chris Owen
The Truth About New Year Kisses
The stroke of midnight of a New Year is a traditional kissing time isn’t it?
For some it’s a fairly chaste peck, an obligatory smooch, or even an air kiss!
For others it’s a full on “pash” session. (Often to choruses of “get a room” from the surrounding jealous crowd!)
Kissing is such an important part of healthy relationships and a good sex life. It’s a chance for instant intimacy, a way of saying “I love you”!.
So how was your first kiss of the year? Was it a good old fashioned snog? Or was it more down the “air kiss” end of the spectrum? Which category did you fall into?
SweetP (love of my life) and I spent a delightful evening (away from Casa Pink Apple) with old and new friends and watched the Melbourne fireworks from a city balcony while sipping some yummy French Champagne!
And our kiss?
Let’s just say it was romantic and tender and I forgot the people around me as I sank into the moment.
So come on, tell us what kind of kiss makes you forgot about everything going on around you?
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Mr Right or Mr Good – Choosing the Right Relationship Partner
When you’re a Relationship Expert, you get some unusual calls!
The lovely Renee Mayne of Bra Queen, spied this article in a recent newspaper and, using Facebook, dialled up THIS Relationship Expert for my opinions and advice. Since then, I notice the bandwagon is rolling along nicely as journalists and bloggers hitch a ride. So why not me too?
I must say some authors are very good at using audacious claims for getting press and web coverage! If nothing else you’ve got to give Lori Gottlieb a tick for free-publicity and maybe it’s even given her some income! Because you see, the author of Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough has fanned feminist flames with a nice little dose of audacity!
What am I talking about?
Well, according to The Age and SMH, this 40-something author claims women should be accepting Mr Good-Enough over the endless search for Mr Right!
Gottlieb’s theory is that if you’ve hit 30, and still haven’t found Mr Right, then you should take her hard-earned wisdom and settle for Mr Good-Enough. Once you hit her age, and still haven’t found your man, you’ll be rueing the day in your 30s that you knocked back Mr Uninspiring and Ordinary, and kept dreaming of the idyllic Mr Right!
Becky Hugh, another London journo, passionately responded the next day with We Must Never Stop Searching For Mr Right. Both she and Gottlieb used fictional characters to develop their arguments quoting Jane Eyre, Mary Tyler Moore, Rachel from Friends, and the ubiquitous Carrie Bradshaw as demonstrating informed decisions. Come on ladies! Enough with the emotive stuff!!!!
Here at Pink Apple, I have no need to sell newspapers with outrageous claims or emotive arguments.
But I’m not ashamed to admit that I welcome a chance to air my thoughts so that you, my readers, can tell if I’m someone you’d look to for Relationship Advice.
Really it’s not about whether I agree with Ms Gottlieb, because I think she’s lassoed the issue and dragged it off over a paddock that’s far from the warmth of the farm.
So let’s see what’s at the farm…
What are the important things about choosing a life partner?
Should there be a checklist of ideal qualities?
Should there be a deal-breaker? Should that be love?
Pink Apple’s Tips on Choosing The Right Partner
1. Develop communication skills as a journey not a destination.
You’ll never be perfect at communication skills, any more than you will be perfect at anything else. Like kicking a footy, knitting a complex pattern, or singing a folk song or an aria, it’s always a mix of a bit of talent and endless bloody hard work. Seek education and feedback, and monitor your skills with endless attention and development.
2. Learn how to negotiate effectively and become more comfortable with compromise.
Practise these skills in your workplace, amongst friends, and in your family. Remember that compromise is NOT lying down and being a door mat, or getting your own way! Learn to recognise your signs of assertiveness and aggression and cultivate win/win moments wherever you can.
3. Befriend your values and live them
Reflect on what things you could not bear to be parted from in your life. These are the clues to your values. Become familiar with them to the point of knowing where they lie in your priorities. If there’s any checklist to be had, it’s a checklist for you to ensure you’re living by your values.
4. Know your problem solving styles
We each go about solving problems with our own unique mix of preferences and aversions. Knowing which parts of the process are your style and what you’ll actively avoid will help your awareness and develop your capacity for negotiation and compromise.
5. Feel your feelings
Within all non-work relationships, problem solving cannot happen without each having an awareness of facts, as well as the opinions and feelings of the other. If you don’t know what you’re feeling or can’t put a name to it, then problem solving is compromised.
6. Cultivate respect and goodwill
One of the key indicators of lasting relationships is not if/how we fight but instead our capacity to heal the relationship after conflicts. That’s when respect and goodwill become critical ingredients to our ability to create and nurture healing.
7. Learn how to fight.
Picking your battles is the first step in fighting fairly. Running your negative reactions through the will-this-matter-in-12-months-time meter, is another important element. Finally if you need to fight then learn to manage your emotions and be ready to go back after the fight and seek to solve the problem
8. Recognise what you are tolerating in your life and allowing to sap your energy.
Tolerations are the things we put up with even though they conflict with our core values. Because tolerations commonly fly beneath our conscious radar, they will drain us of emotional energy. Regularly review your tolerations and declutter them from your physical, environmental, mental and emotional lives.
9. Be the Right Partner
Show up to every person you meet as the authentic you. Love yourself, appreciate yourself, take responsibility for meeting your own needs as a matter of daily habit. You show up as a real and attractive person and not a needy one.
You’ll notice it’s all about being the best you, you can be.
So whether Mr Right has a cute bum, cooks well, loves kids, or is dedicated to work/life balance won’t really matter.
Being the best you you can be will ensure that self-awareness directs your decisions.
(If you struggle with building these skills in being the best you, then seek some professional help. And keep your eyes open for upcoming Pink Apple Teleseminars!)
Finally, yes love is an essential part of the selection mix. And if I had a couple in front of me, for whom love was not a primary driver , then yes I’d see it as a deal-breaker!
But there was one thing I did agree with in Amy Willis’ article in The Age. She sought advice from Prof Cary Cooper, a psychologist at Lancaster University:
… women unable to find their dream man should not see themselves as settling for second best.
He said: “No man or woman has all the characteristics you would look for; it would be a miracle to find your number one.
“You have to find somebody with as many good characteristics as possible. The main problem is that many people haven’t worked out what those characteristics are. People need to sit down and work out what they want and then go looking for someone who at least ticks some of your top priorities.”
Hug Your Relationship
There’s no one single clue to Better Relationships.
There’s no one simple action to miraculously change your relationship for the better.
But there are a million little things that, when combined, will make a big difference.
Today’s is a hug!
Here in Australia, hugs happen everywhere.
Some hug on arrival, some on departure, some even both.
Some hug at great news, some at great sorrow.
But there are some unwritten rules about social hugs. The main one is that you don’t hang on for even a second longer than is appropriate! It’s got to be a cursory hug.
So if that’s what you do in social settings, how do you hug your partner in life?
The same?
Why?????????????
Out of habit, that’s why!
But hey, would you “air-kiss” your partner? No! Of course not. So son’t social hug him/her either!
Tonight when you get home, try holding your hug for at least 3 seconds longer than normal.
Lean into that hug, feel where you’re touching him all along your arms. Feel where he’s touching you along your body. Be in the moment and soak it all uo.
Then let me know how good it was!
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If you’d rather get a short message from Pink Apple then become a Fan on FaceBook. I’m adding a Relationship Tip there every day.
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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert. If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.
Friends With Benefits.
Ahhhh! That got you in didn’t it?
Well I hate to disappoint you but there’s no plan to talk here about the noughties definition of "friends with benefits"!
One of the joys of being in business however is finding other business owners with whom you just click and friendships develop. I have many business friends who’s businesses I may never be able to refer to but who have become firm friends.
It’s then even better when your businesses have some synchronicity and you can work together on projects, send clients to each other, or even just help each other with some brainstorming for your next project! You both want the best for the other’s business. 
The best moment is when that disgraceful little demon of self-doubt wriggles under the security fence and gives you a raspberry as well as eats away at your pile of confidence stores.
What’s that got to do with good friends?
That’s the time they give you a good shake, (well not literally normally) and remind you of all you’ve done for them and others. Then they whirl you round, and with a slap on the back they send you out to chase the demon off the premises, and then help you block up the gap under the fence!
One of my fellow business women and now good friends is Angela Esnouf from Creating Order From Chaos.
Recently she ran a 7-day Clutter Challenge during National Organising Week.
Well not only did it get me off my backside and into my shoe shelves (see Comments), her simple baby-step ideas have had me nibbling away at other tasks around the house ever since.
A drawer gets a quick declutter as I look for something. The spice rack was half-checked for past-their-used-by spices while I cooked the dinner the other night! I’ll get to the rest next time I have to stand near the stove for a bit.
Now only Angela’s newsletter subscribers got the inside running on this great decluttering challenge. LIke many of us Angela tries out her new ideas on her subscribers. I know I’ve encouraged her to make this into some kind of saleable product and so have many others!
So if you want to feel like you’re making progress against the clutter bug, I strongly recommend a visit and a sign up at Creating Order From Chaos. She’s got a finger on the pulse of making decluttering simple and easy! It’s like a breath of fresh air. Just like it is when she walks in with her ever-smiling face and sits down for a cuppa and a chat!
Not only is she organised, but she’s also diligent at keeping up her blog commitments. (As opposed to some tarts we could name!) So a short sharp couple of paragraphs appear on her blog most days! (Even while she swanned around Europe a few months ago!)
She’s definitely a good influence – and she lives around the corner! What more could a tart ask for?
