Knowing I needed to write about the theme, my mind was instantly drawn to the fact that I haven’t yet sat down with SweetP this year and done our annual review of our relationship.

It’s a bit of an evaluation and an opportunity to talk about joys and sorrows, excitements and pain.

It’s certainly one of the ways we take our relationship seriously, and also how we can take a proactive stance at maintaining a healthy relationship, and making it a better relationship as well.

I t would be even more important if ours was a Second Marriage, like some of my clients and readers are currently experiencing.

So what will we be talking about?

There’s a whole pile of questions I created over at The Calm Space, but I’ll let you in, dear reader, on what SweetP and I will be talking about.

There’s no question our first big overseas adventure will be up there on the list.  We learned a lot more about being together, as we were forced by anonymity (and at times language) to rely on each other through that journey.  So, there’s much to talk about there.

SweetP is the money-worrier in our family, so I’m sure there’ll be fuel for discussion there too.

Retirement is nearer, so both our financial management and our conflicts around financial management, will be part of the discussion.

With retirement comes the issue of spending more time with each other.  SweetP is currently transitioning to retirement by now working part-time.  So how we manage spending 24 hours a day in each others’ company will be on the list as well.

And of course there’s more things, grandchildren, our adult children, our ailing parents etc etc.

So I think that our annual review will be part of this coming weekend.

Perhaps we’ll go out and have some yummy brekky, then go somewhere beautiful, perhaps beside a river, and talk together.

What did/will you do for your annual review?

Oh?  Not been there before?  Well why not head over to The Calm Space and have a read of my article so you can plan a review too.

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Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

For those of you who got interested in Pink Apple’s exploration of Kissing a few days ago, we wanted to share just a little more on that theme.

Of course kissing is highly relevant when you’re talking about healthy relationships or techniques to make your relationship happier, healthier, better, or just more fun!

As I meandered through Mamamia (Mia Freedman)’s site just now, I found a post with links to some kissing videos.  It’s dated well after our little exploration so we must have got it going.  Mustn’t we?

I definitely think it’s worth a look!  Who know you might even get some technique tips!   Click here or on the picture to be taken to the article.

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Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Warm regards

Chris Owen

For some it’s a fairly chaste peck, an obligatory smooch, or even an air kiss!

For others it’s a full on “pash” session.  (Often to choruses of “get a room” from the surrounding jealous crowd!)

Kissing is such an important part of  healthy relationships and a good sex life.  It’s a chance for instant intimacy, a way of saying “I love you”!.

So how was your first kiss of the year?  Was it a good old fashioned snog?  Or was it more down the “air kiss” end of the spectrum? Which category did you fall into?

SweetP (love of my life) and I spent a delightful evening (away from Casa Pink Apple) with old and new friends  and watched the Melbourne fireworks from a city balcony while sipping some yummy French Champagne!

And our kiss?

Let’s just say it was romantic and tender and I forgot the people around me as I sank into the moment.

So come on, tell us what kind of kiss makes you forgot about everything going on around you?

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Chris Owen of Pink Apple

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

But you’ll find out more about all that over the next few weeks.  (Yes I’m keeping you in suspenders!  )

The very first thing is something very PRACTICAL!

With the changes to technology (and competition between telcos!) I have cancelled my fax line and I now use an online fax service for the rare occasions when someone wants to send a fax.  So if you want to send me a fax, contact me for the number.

And now we have also merged our phone lines.

NO LONGER will Pink Apple be available on 03 9877 1469.

Of course, you can still contact me via skype, mobile, or on our NEW PHONE NUMBER 03 9878 2028.

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Chris Owen of http://www.pinkapple.com.au

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

Clearly I’m not really Warney and Liz’s Relationship Coach.  And I’d never break confidentiality like that!

But this ex-IVF nurse and midwife-turned Relationship-Advisor knows a thing or two about relationships under stress.  And of course I have 37 years experience in my own marriage.

So I thought I’d make this a series of Letters to Warney, where I’ll explore some of the issues that you might consider if you wanted to avoid making the same mistakes in your second marriage as you made in your first.

But this is a community we have here.

So why not let me know which topics/bits of advice you’d like me to give Warney and Liz, and all my avid readers?

I’ve also plucked up the courage got very courageous and recorded my letter to Warney.

So if you’d like to listen rather than read, then click on the arrow below!

Dear Warney

Chris Owen here from Pink Apple. And yes I’d be delighted to mentor you both into your new marriage.

Of course, I’m very grateful for you so generously suggesting I can report on our sessions together and share it with all my interested readers.

I must say, watching you both fall in lust love over the last ten months has reminded this old “Togethered” of that first flush of exhilarating romance.  Surprisingly enough we’ve all had that feeling, and, no you didn’t invent it!

Tumbling into that euphoric bliss is just the best fun, isn’t it?  It’s like being on the most exciting and the most scarey rollercoaster!  While those dazzling days might be short-lived, it’s an extravaganza while it happens, isn’t it?

Well, it is for those falling in love.  Maybe not so much for the long-suffering friends and family who kind of get left on the sidelines.  After all, those all-absorbing seconds in each other’s company take over your every waking thought!  And as for work, you’re hopelessly unproductive aren’t you?  We all know what that’s like!

Not that you’ve been shy at all!  We’ve watched each flirtatious step shared on Twitter.  You funky little Gen Xers, you!

But it did make we wonder if you’ve been as diligent in keeping up with the people who may help make the difference for you both when the going gets tougher.  Because of course it does get tougher.  But you know that already don’t you?

You know all that frothy Romantic Love is meant to morph into something else, don’t you Warney?  Of course you do, you’ve been married before.

You’re wiser now.  You know there’s a whole new phase of Depth and Intimacy to come, don’t you?  There won’t be any of that sliding into ordinary, everyday, disappointing, disillusioning marriage for you two, will there?

That’s what our work together will help with!

Can’t wait to begin work and share this with my avid readers.

And don’t forget I’ll expect you to do your homework!

Regards

Pink Apple

Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships

I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.

So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!

Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?

One of the early ones was Iggy Pintado, author of  Connection Generation, and all-round nice guy!  Iggy is a man of deep authenticity and integrity, and one I admire immensely.

Today is Iggy and his wife Kerry’s 25th Wedding Anniversary.

To mark the occasion they answered a question many people have asked them.  They wrote a joint blog post about what they thought was the key to their successful marriage.

It’s simple and has 3 key points, I encourage you to go read it and absorb some of their wisdom.

It’s much more real than anything I could say!

When couples come to me they are often in a state of total turmoil.  They have lost their way, they have lost their connection and they have lost themselves.  What they want from me is a solution to the situation.  They want a magic key to unlock the glorious future that they had planned when they first became a couple.

I help them to find the magic key that fits best and I show them how to use it.  That is why I am a relationship coach rather than counsellor.

So you want to know what the difference is.

Let me explain it this way.  If you were a footballer who was having trouble kicking that goal, what would help you most – someone who works with you to find a better way of kicking or someone who helps you examine your feelings about the situation?  I thought so.  You want to kick those goals, don’t you?  You need someone to coach you so that you can make the best kick possible.

While there is definitely a place for both roles, and quite often there is an overlap between them.  I believe that the solution-focused approach of coaching is the best way to avert a march to the divorce court.

Counselling often involves looking backwards and examining the events that got you to this point.  You may learn a lot about why you feel the way you do.  It can help to resolve a lot of the sensitive emotions dangling between you and your partner, but it may not show you how to move forward.  Coaching is just like solving a problem.  It is all about identifying solutions and helping couples develop new skills to help them move forward.

How Do We Do It?

Pink Apple uses several different tools for coaching.

One of those comes from the professional development techniques of the  workplace.  Pink Apple helps you bring those to the privacy of your home and relationship with surprising success.

The Relating Better Program walks you through a unique problem solving process.  It helps you identify your own and your partner’s problem solving styles and how they align – and more to the point how they CLASH.

With new insights you can both learn how to understand each other better.  Understanding means you avoid the mounting tensions and conflicts that arise from frustration with your different styles.  Relating Better demonstrates how to use new strategies to get off the merry-go-round of problem solving leading to conflict!

I can’t tell you how much old Pink Apple here LOVES seeing couples take control of their futures.

My happiest moments as a coach are when I see couples walk off with hope in their eyes, a newly blossoming trust in each other and a clear road to take.

If you or your partner needs to learn some new skills within your relationship then come and see me.  It would be my absolute pleasure to be your coach.

Today I want to talk to you about how to choose the right relationship coach for you and how to know when you need one.

I think people often think that couples who see a relationship coach must be knocking at the door of the divorce court.  You know, it isn’t always that way.  Often the couples who seek coaching are looking for a better way to relate.  They want to improve what they already have.  Isn’t that beautiful?

Sometimes, though, the couples who come to me are those who have reached a plateau in their relationship.  The zing has gone and routine has set it.  That isn’t a bad thing.  In fact, it is a stage that most relationships go through.  You can decide to keep living that way or you can learn how to add spice back to the relationship.

Of course, I do have couples coming to me as a last ditch attempt to resolve issues in their marriage before they head for divorce.  I am always impressed with these couples and their commitment to each other.  Isn’t it wonderful that despite feeling angry or frustrated with each other, they still love their partner enough to work at staying together?

If you are feeling flat in the relationship then you could need a coach.  No, you don’t have to feel unhappy with the relationship.  Remember, coaching is all about finding a better way to do things.

What To Look For

How you choose a relationship coach is a personal decision.  You really need to connect with your coach and feel trust and confidence in her.  I recommend that you talk to some different coaches before making your choice.   Here are some things that I think are important to look for in your coach:

1.  Connection. Did your coach understand what you were saying?  Did you feel some rapport with her?

2.  Listening.  Did your coach pay attention to both partners?  Did they seem to ask the right questions?  Did they talk too much?

3.  Positivity.  The coach needs to be cheerful and positive.  If she is not, how can you feel sure that she can see the way ahead?

4.  Qualified.  Make sure that the coach has proper qualifications and experience.  Never go to an amateur!

5.  Available.  By this I mean that your coach offers coaching in ways or at times which suit you.  The programs that she offers are suitable for you and you can cope with them.

Relationship coaching is all about understanding what you want and need in your relationships.  It is about really connecting with you as individuals and building a trusting relationship between us.

I know, when I’m exploring solutions to a problem, I have to “feel” confident that person is right for me. You will know when you find the right person.  You will feel comfortable and willing to talk to her.  You will know that the coach is hearing you and see that they are skilled in what they do.

If you think your relationship could do with a bit more zing then consider finding a relationship coach who talks your language.  Together you can add some spark back to your world …

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

Every month The Calm Space has a theme.  Each week, 3 or 4 of the contributors add some more food for thought on the month’s theme. As the month progresses, the roots of the theme get tickled and tackled. Opinions arise, stories develop, and sometimes controversy takes the stage!

This month’s theme is “purpose”.

Now, I’d argue that purpose is a bit of a new-age, coach-induced phenomenon.

And I’m a coach – kind of!

If the Calm Space is about moving “from stress serenity one step at a time” then I reckon purpose should be given a good kick in the backside!

So I’m reluctant to add having a purpose to the relationship “shoulds” that hang like boulders around our necks.

I figure that just like you learn to pick your battles with your adolescent children, there are other more important relationship “battles” to attack, than having a purpose! [more]

What do you think?

Oh by the way, Karen offers an excellent e-course to get you helping yourself.  Called A Month of Me Time it’s an excellent freebie.  I suggest you try it!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test?  You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book  Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship.   Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!

So let’s assume that like all humans, not every moment of your relationship is a blissful event.  (If it is I want to talk to you and get you secrets!)

What’s more, in your loving relationship, there’s probably the occasional little quarrel, the odd fight, a quick snipe or two, the rare screaming match, a few disagreements and sometimes war breaks out!

Have you ever come across someone who told you they don’t fight?

Did they share this interesting information with a slightly righteous posture?  Did they seem just a little smug?

Of course they may be telling the truth, they may both be extremely conflict averse!  The thought of conflict may terrify them out of their wits.  So much so that they would no more “go there” than they’d step on a landmine!  However that scenario has it’s own drawbacks which is a topic for some other day.

Just be reassured that most people in relationships fight – in some form – at some time!

And that’s perfectly OK!

There is nothing wrong with having a fight.

The only way it will harm your relationship is if you don’t heal the relationship after the conflict.

But sometimes fights get out of control don’t they?  (And no, I’m not necessarily talking about “fisticuffs” or domestic violence.  And probably not even emontional abuse!)

Sometimes you say things you don’t really mean!  And they’re out of your mouth before you’ve really put your brain into full gear!

After you’ve cooled down you may even forget you’ve said it.  But maybe those few words, are burned into your partner/mum/dad/friend/sister/s brain.  Seared there forever with the scar an endless irritant.

And all for what?  Was the fight worth creating that scar?  Did the topic really matter that much?  Was the poin THAT significant?

You see that’s why…

… the best relationship advice is to walk away.

And no I don’t mean stomp out of the room in a huff!  (One of Pink Apple’s occasional failings I’m afraid!  Usually accompanied by an oh-so-satisfying slamming of the door!)

I mean zip your lip for the millisecond that it takes to register that:

• you’re not actually in good control of your emotions
• you haven’t got the whole issue in perspective
• this is about a myriad of other small unconnected irritants
• this may not actually matter in 24 hours, next week or next year.

And then take a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath

Say something  like, “I know I need to gather myself together.  Can we come back to this when I’ve collected my thoughts and calmed down?  I really want to have this discussion, just not in this way!”

… and walk away and do just that!

Go take a walk around the block.  Go sit in the toilet and deep breathe for five minutes.  Go and channel the energy into something fruitful.  Just go …

… and come back later, just as you promised, and complete the discussion.  (And I don’t mean days/months/years later)

Try it and let me know how you get on?

In fact, if you have tried it either successfully or abysmally failing, share your thoughts and comments below!

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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.  I add a Relationship Tip there every day.

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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.

If you’re a Mum who wants a better relationship, but doesn’t know how to get it, then why not get started by taking the Relationship Mojo Test and get Chris’ free Audio Interview about Refinding Your Relationship Mojo.