Posts Tagged ‘relationships’
Healthy Relationship Advice
Over at The Calm Space this month, the theme is “becoming”.
Knowing I needed to write about the theme, my mind was instantly drawn to the fact that I haven’t yet sat down with SweetP this year and done our annual review of our relationship.
It’s a bit of an evaluation and an opportunity to talk about joys and sorrows, excitements and pain.
It’s certainly one of the ways we take our relationship seriously, and also how we can take a proactive stance at maintaining a healthy relationship, and making it a better relationship as well.
I t would be even more important if ours was a Second Marriage, like some of my clients and readers are currently experiencing.
So what will we be talking about?
There’s a whole pile of questions I created over at The Calm Space, but I’ll let you in, dear reader, on what SweetP and I will be talking about.
There’s no question our first big overseas adventure will be up there on the list. We learned a lot more about being together, as we were forced by anonymity (and at times language) to rely on each other through that journey. So, there’s much to talk about there.
SweetP is the money-worrier in our family, so I’m sure there’ll be fuel for discussion there too.
Retirement is nearer, so both our financial management and our conflicts around financial management, will be part of the discussion.
With retirement comes the issue of spending more time with each other. SweetP is currently transitioning to retirement by now working part-time. So how we manage spending 24 hours a day in each others’ company will be on the list as well.
And of course there’s more things, grandchildren, our adult children, our ailing parents etc etc.
So I think that our annual review will be part of this coming weekend.
Perhaps we’ll go out and have some yummy brekky, then go somewhere beautiful, perhaps beside a river, and talk together.
What did/will you do for your annual review?
Oh? Not been there before? Well why not head over to The Calm Space and have a read of my article so you can plan a review too.
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
I help them by reskilling them, in effective relationship behaviours, so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Warm regards
Chris Owen
Advanced Kissing!
Pink Apple must have started the trend.
For those of you who got interested in Pink Apple’s exploration of Kissing a few days ago, we wanted to share just a little more on that theme.
Of course kissing is highly relevant when you’re talking about healthy relationships or techniques to make your relationship happier, healthier, better, or just more fun!
As I meandered through Mamamia (Mia Freedman)’s site just now, I found a post with links to some kissing videos. It’s dated well after our little exploration so we must have got it going. Mustn’t we?
I definitely think it’s worth a look! Who know you might even get some technique tips! Click here or on the picture to be taken to the article.
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Chris Owen of Pink Apple
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Warm regards
Chris Owen
Warney & Liz Choose a Relationship Advisor
With news of Shane Warne and Liz Hurley’s engagement setting Twitter afire last week, I wanted to write to Warney, here on the Better Relationships Blog.
Clearly I’m not really Warney and Liz’s Relationship Coach. And I’d never break confidentiality like that!
But this ex-IVF nurse and midwife-turned Relationship-Advisor knows a thing or two about relationships under stress. And of course I have 37 years experience in my own marriage.
So I thought I’d make this a series of Letters to Warney, where I’ll explore some of the issues that you might consider if you wanted to avoid making the same mistakes in your second marriage as you made in your first.
But this is a community we have here.
So why not let me know which topics/bits of advice you’d like me to give Warney and Liz, and all my avid readers?
I’ve also plucked up the courage got very courageous and recorded my letter to Warney.
So if you’d like to listen rather than read, then click on the arrow below!
Dear Warney
Chris Owen here from Pink Apple. And yes I’d be delighted to mentor you both into your new marriage.
Of course, I’m very grateful for you so generously suggesting I can report on our sessions together and share it with all my interested readers.
I must say, watching you both fall in lust love over the last ten months has reminded this old “Togethered” of that first flush of exhilarating romance. Surprisingly enough we’ve all had that feeling, and, no you didn’t invent it!
Tumbling into that euphoric bliss is just the best fun, isn’t it? It’s like being on the most exciting and the most scarey rollercoaster! While those dazzling days might be short-lived, it’s an extravaganza while it happens, isn’t it?
Well, it is for those falling in love. Maybe not so much for the long-suffering friends and family who kind of get left on the sidelines. After all, those all-absorbing seconds in each other’s company take over your every waking thought! And as for work, you’re hopelessly unproductive aren’t you? We all know what that’s like!
Not that you’ve been shy at all! We’ve watched each flirtatious step shared on Twitter. You funky little Gen Xers, you!
But it did make we wonder if you’ve been as diligent in keeping up with the people who may help make the difference for you both when the going gets tougher. Because of course it does get tougher. But you know that already don’t you?
You know all that frothy Romantic Love is meant to morph into something else, don’t you Warney? Of course you do, you’ve been married before.
You’re wiser now. You know there’s a whole new phase of Depth and Intimacy to come, don’t you? There won’t be any of that sliding into ordinary, everyday, disappointing, disillusioning marriage for you two, will there?
That’s what our work together will help with!
Can’t wait to begin work and share this with my avid readers.
And don’t forget I’ll expect you to do your homework!
Regards
Pink Apple
Chris Owen of Pink Apple helps people create Better Relationships
I’m a Melbourne-based Relationship Advisor for couples who fear that their second marriage could fall apart just like their first did.
So I help them by reskilling them in effective relationship behaviours so they can be confident they won’t go back to old patterns!
Why not follow me on Facebook where I share my own and all sorts of other resources?
Why Relationship Coaching and Not Counselling for Better Relationships?
Relationships are the most important thing in the world to me. That is why I love what I do. I get to help people find the best way to nurture the special relationships in their lives.
When couples come to me they are often in a state of total turmoil. They have lost their way, they have lost their connection and they have lost themselves. What they want from me is a solution to the situation. They want a magic key to unlock the glorious future that they had planned when they first became a couple.
I help them to find the magic key that fits best and I show them how to use it. That is why I am a relationship coach rather than counsellor.
So you want to know what the difference is.
Let me explain it this way. If you were a footballer who was having trouble kicking that goal, what would help you most – someone who works with you to find a better way of kicking or someone who helps you examine your feelings about the situation? I thought so. You want to kick those goals, don’t you? You need someone to coach you so that you can make the best kick possible.
While there is definitely a place for both roles, and quite often there is an overlap between them. I believe that the solution-focused approach of coaching is the best way to avert a march to the divorce court.
Counselling often involves looking backwards and examining the events that got you to this point. You may learn a lot about why you feel the way you do. It can help to resolve a lot of the sensitive emotions dangling between you and your partner, but it may not show you how to move forward. Coaching is just like solving a problem. It is all about identifying solutions and helping couples develop new skills to help them move forward.
How Do We Do It?
Pink Apple uses several different tools for coaching.
One of those comes from the professional development techniques of the workplace. Pink Apple helps you bring those to the privacy of your home and relationship with surprising success.
The Relating Better Program walks you through a unique problem solving process. It helps you identify your own and your partner’s problem solving styles and how they align – and more to the point how they CLASH.
With new insights you can both learn how to understand each other better. Understanding means you avoid the mounting tensions and conflicts that arise from frustration with your different styles. Relating Better demonstrates how to use new strategies to get off the merry-go-round of problem solving leading to conflict!
I can’t tell you how much old Pink Apple here LOVES seeing couples take control of their futures.
My happiest moments as a coach are when I see couples walk off with hope in their eyes, a newly blossoming trust in each other and a clear road to take.
If you or your partner needs to learn some new skills within your relationship then come and see me. It would be my absolute pleasure to be your coach.
Finding the Right Relationship Coach for You
I have the best job in the world. I help to turn ‘blah’ relationships back into ‘wow’ ones. What more could I want out of life?
Today I want to talk to you about how to choose the right relationship coach for you and how to know when you need one.
I think people often think that couples who see a relationship coach must be knocking at the door of the divorce court. You know, it isn’t always that way. Often the couples who seek coaching are looking for a better way to relate. They want to improve what they already have. Isn’t that beautiful?
Sometimes, though, the couples who come to me are those who have reached a plateau in their relationship. The zing has gone and routine has set it. That isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it is a stage that most relationships go through. You can decide to keep living that way or you can learn how to add spice back to the relationship.
Of course, I do have couples coming to me as a last ditch attempt to resolve issues in their marriage before they head for divorce. I am always impressed with these couples and their commitment to each other. Isn’t it wonderful that despite feeling angry or frustrated with each other, they still love their partner enough to work at staying together?
If you are feeling flat in the relationship then you could need a coach. No, you don’t have to feel unhappy with the relationship. Remember, coaching is all about finding a better way to do things.
What To Look For
How you choose a relationship coach is a personal decision. You really need to connect with your coach and feel trust and confidence in her. I recommend that you talk to some different coaches before making your choice. Here are some things that I think are important to look for in your coach:
1. Connection. Did your coach understand what you were saying? Did you feel some rapport with her?
2. Listening. Did your coach pay attention to both partners? Did they seem to ask the right questions? Did they talk too much?
3. Positivity. The coach needs to be cheerful and positive. If she is not, how can you feel sure that she can see the way ahead?
4. Qualified. Make sure that the coach has proper qualifications and experience. Never go to an amateur!
5. Available. By this I mean that your coach offers coaching in ways or at times which suit you. The programs that she offers are suitable for you and you can cope with them.
Relationship coaching is all about understanding what you want and need in your relationships. It is about really connecting with you as individuals and building a trusting relationship between us.
I know, when I’m exploring solutions to a problem, I have to “feel” confident that person is right for me. You will know when you find the right person. You will feel comfortable and willing to talk to her. You will know that the coach is hearing you and see that they are skilled in what they do.
If you think your relationship could do with a bit more zing then consider finding a relationship coach who talks your language. Together you can add some spark back to your world …
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If you’d rather, we can meet up on Facebook. All you need to do is become a Fan of Pink Apple on FaceBook.
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Chris Owen is Pink Apple and a bubbly Aussie Relationship Expert.
If you want a better relationship, but don’t know how to get it, then why not follow the beating heart in sidebar of this blog and take the Relationship Mojo Test? You’ll receive Chris’ free E-Book Your Relationship: From Mojo to Marvellous to help you improve your relationship. Oh and there are other bonuses to be found on the other side of that beating heart!
Have the Kisses Changed in Your Relationship?
I’ve got a few impertinent questions for you! After all, I am a Relationship Queen and part of my job is to throw out challenges! So …
What’s the best kissing memory of your whole life?
Do you believe that long languorous kisses only belong to new lovers? Or in movies and TV Shows?
Do your long languorous kisses only belong in the bedroom, once you’re married/partnered? Or at least in the privacy of your own home?
Be honest! Do long languorous kisses still have a regular place in your relationship? Do you at least do them in front of your kids?
What does a long languorous kiss mean to you?
I know it might seem like old Pink Apple has not had enough lip action, not played enough tonsil tiggy, and has generally resorted to getting her pleasures vicariously. But it’s not true. I’m perfectly happy with the kissing action in my life. But my question is, are you?
Kissing is such a funny thing.
Do you remember your first ever romantic kiss?
Girls (and I guess boys) talk about it endlessly when we were teenagers. I’m guessing that much adolescent (or pre-adolescent -sigh!) effort is put into becoming skilled at it. How do you do it? What about noses? Who moves their head? How do you breathe? What about tongues? It’s all so exciting, and just a bit scary.
We give it all kinds of names. Snogging, pashing, necking, petting, smooching, sucking face. Every era has a different name for it!
And then when we become partnered, kissing can become a perfunctory part of every day life. There’s hellos and goodbyes, and sometimes not even that. There’s birthday and Christmas kisses. There’s kisses in the bedroom that are meant to send not-so-subtle messages.
But what happened to kissing for its own sake?
So recently I put one of my Relationship Tips up on the Pink Apple Facebook Fan Page and suggested a long languorous kiss just before you head out the door.
You see, it doesn’t take a lot to make you both stop and remember that this is your “Relationship” as much as it is your daily life. Try surprising your partner with a long kiss just as you’re about to go out, and what happens?
Now if we assume you don’t suddenly decide to be late for the party and turn around and head for the bedroom…
What happens is that your surprised partner suddenly remembers who you are and why they love you. The rest of your evening is spent with both of you just slightly distracted and with a secret smile hovering on their lips. There’s hopes that perhaps the kissing may return when you get home. You share a tiny little secret between you and the sense of connection between you is heightened.
They all sound like pretty good things for any relationship.
But, of course, you don’t necessarily need to be going out to break the monotony of daily life together, by injecting this spicy kiss into your twosome. It just needs to come at a time when your partner is least expecting it. It needs to be a sexy kiss at a time when sex is not really an option. Of course the point is to build some sexual tension/energy.
It could be the morning kiss as you depart for work that gets the long languorous touch! Or maybe the one in the kitchen while you’re preparing dinner that evening (together of course!) That’s a good one because while your kids may protest at the “obscenity” of their parents being “yucky” or disgusting, the message you send about you as two people who love each other, is REALLY IMPORTANT! It’s good modelling of positive relating. And that’s one of your jobs as parents!
Or maybe, you want to be a bit more public and choose the escalator at the local shopping centre, or a lift!
Anyway you get the message …
And maybe you’ve even got some suggestions …
Feel free to leave a comment!
So my challenge to you is to give it a try and see what response you get! Go slap a kiss on that partner of yours that will take his/her breath away.
Don’t forget to come back and tell us how it went! Read the rest of this entry »
Struggles With Mothering Adds Pressure to Relationships
I've always struggled with my role as a mother.
Even with sons in their 30s and a grandchild, I still struggle to believe I measured up as a mother! I know that impacted on how I parented and how I related with my husband.
One of the most common triggers for conflict in a relationship will be persistent differences in parenting styles. Those differences can leave one or other parent feeling like they are a "bad" mother or a "bad" father!
We all need to support couples as they parent. It's a bloody hard job. Sometimes It can seem like a thankless task. And how a couple parents their children impacts on us all as those children become adults in our communities!
In general, when you feel good about yourself and love yourself, it helps you bring positive vibes to your relationship.
So I was really interested to hear from Amanda Cox (aka Mad Cow over at Real Mums) who's been doing some research. Here's what she shared with me. It's very TELLING reading!
We recently conducted a survey on Mums and found (although we already knew!) that most Mums experience feelings of isolation, inadequacy and lack of support, and would really like a little bit of time out for themselves.
(Interestingly, all these issues are also the main contributing factors for postnatal depression)
Mums have expressed concerns that they feel like they’re doing a bad job at mothering, that they can’t do things “right”, that sometimes they yell or swear at their kids. And sometimes they don’t even like their kids!
They tell us they do things like finding finger painting, playing with trains/Barbie and listening to their kids really boring, they use the TV as a babysitter, and have messy houses. And they feel bad about it.
They tell us they want a break, to know that they’re not the only ones doing these sorts of things, and to feel “normal”. They tell us they need some non-judgemental, emotional support, tactics for dealing with kids that work in the REAL world, friendships and to feel less stressed and less guilty.
They tell us they want wine and chocolate.
They said lots of other things too.
And we listened!
We know that Mumming is hard, because we’re Mums, too. We also know that there’s far too much information out there, all focussed on how to deal with the kids, but nothing for us, and most of it is really hard to replicate in the real world without massive amounts of support. We know it’s hard to get out, catch up with friends, and connect in safe, supportive environments.
We know and understand what is missing … or is it?
Not anymore!
Bad Mother’s Club is launching on November 6th in Ascot Vale, Melbourne.
The Club will address ALL of these issues and more – lots more.
So in light of all that telling information, I'm going to be joining Amanda and other Mums at the dinner to launch Bad Mothers Club.
Here's the details and here's the flyer!
Please join me in getting the word out to help mohers and our community at large?
It's a 3-course meal, wine, tea and coffee, giveaways, guest speakers and the chance to be the first to find out about the Bad Mother’s Club. And there WILL be wine and chocolate!
So give yourself permission to be fantastic just the way you are, kick back, connect with other Mum’s, have a few drinks and just have fun. BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!
You will also have the opportunity to become a member of this very unique, yet supportive, inclusive and empowering Club.
Tickets are $87 per person – or you can grab yours for $67 (all inclusive) by booking your tickets NOW at http://badmothersclub.eventbee.com and entering code madcow-bmcl. These tickets are extremely limited, so be quick.
Bad Mother’s Club Launch - 7.30pm Friday November 6th at Prevale, 236 Union Road Ascot Vale
Bookings Are Essential … Book now http://badmothersclub.eventbee.com (or phone 0414 548 103)
Pass it on!
Tips from Canberra
For those of us who have watched the Black Saturday disaster from the sidelines wishing we could feel less hopeless and do something USEFUL, please find attached a great article printed in the Canberra Times on February 11th.
Liz Tilley, a survivor of Canberra's terrible fires in 2003, has written a piece including advice for us all, survivors and observers alike. Full of intensely practical tips, on what little items survivors need and hwo to rebuild the relationships as much as the houses and their contents. It's worth the few minutes it will take you to read.
Download Tips from a bushfire survivor
is a Word version of the article.
The direct Canberra Times link is a little harder to read but just work around the links and ads that are inserted early in the story.
Don't forget you can also connect with me by following me on Twitter. @Chris_pinkapple
Thriving not just Surviving
the spring would not be so pleasant;
if we did not sometimes taste of adversity,
prosperity would not be so welcome.”
I've spent my morning reading Paul McCarthy's The Survival Trap: Why some Businesses Thrive and Others Struggle to Survive in Tough Economic Times.
No matter what your perspective and how much knowledge you have, doing some motivational or professional reading/development will always give you at least ONE insight that you hear differently and makes you take action.
That's happened this morning.
How come?
Well I was just doing what I thought was an obligation. Doing some preliminary reading before I went to a meeting.
I was (and am) looking forward to hearing Paul McCarthy speak at the Manningham Business Network's monthly Open Meeting, the first for 2009. As a member of MBN, I have heard some interesting speakers and was a strong advocate of getting Paul to speak.
McCarthy is a terrific speaker – inspiring but on a really practical level! (I need to hear some "hows" along with my inspiration, or it won't get me far. And Paul delivers that in spades!)
In fact his is one of the few monthly newsletter emails that have survived my recent RUTHLESS culling of newsletter subscriptions that FLOOD my Inbox! (Come on you know what I mean. Have you checked how many you're subscribed to?)
So because the meeting's coming up and I am a committed and interested member, I wanted to do Paul the courtesy of being ready. At last this morning, I've got around to reading this new e-book The Survival Trap.
And of course, I've had my aha moment.
Bizarrely enough it came when McCarthy started talking about failure.
Now, unlike my eager little readers here, I confess I have the occasional moment of self-doubt!
I had one recently and I was throwing that word "failure" about a bit in conversation with my ever-helpful and endlessly-challenging coach Karen Wallace. She jumped on it from a great height and gave my backside a bit of a kick. A kick that I felt again when I read those words this morning.
I realized I just hadn't been failing fast enough to get me moving.
Those words got me so motivated that I stopped reading and came here to write and share with you the opportunity to read the book and get your aha moment faster!
McCarthy is offering this book for fr*ee. It's about 80-ish pages in big font and VERY easy reading. You even get a chance to win some coaching from him. So there's no loss in this. It's taken me about 45 minutes to read – but yes I am a fast reader! Even so, you'll hardly be taxed by reading it, and WILL get an aha moment no matter how extensive your experience of business or personal development is!
And if you need another quote to get you thinking, here it is:
– Talal Abu-Ghazaleh
See you at the Open Meeting on Tuesday?
If not, till next time …
Chris
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Chris Owen is Pink Apple. At Pink Apple, Chris shares the Secrets of Successful Relationships. She's a co-author of Save Our Christmas Sanity: The Christmas Calm Manual; and a regular contributor to The Calm Space, Joyful Jubilant Learning, and You! the member's magazine for Real Mums.
Like a Bit of Tart?
Welcome all to the new Chris Owen Blog – Apple Tart.
Here’s where you’ll come for everything that ISN’T about relationships! If you’re after relationship stuff, then go to Take A Bite.
Why Apple Tart?
Well the Apple bit’s obvious I’d have thought. But in case you don’t know, my business is called Pink Apple.
The Tart bit?
Well anyone who knows me well would tell you I can have a bit of a sharp edge, and particularly a sharp tongue. I CAN be a bit tart!! But like all good tarts, I’m pleasingly tart and tangy!
Note I said TART not TARTY!
However a few friends have even been known to call me a tart! But in a caring and sharing way! (I think!)
So on Apple Tart what you see is what you’ll get! The real me!
I’ll talk about some of my personal musings, business stuff, amusing events, networking I’ve done, good connections I want to share, blog posts that I’ve found intriguing (for reasons nobody else might get!)
Generally, a BIG swirling ECLECTIC mix!
Bit of sugar. bit of spice, bit of ranting, bit of musing.
MOSTLY funny!
So feel free to subscribe to the RSS feed in the middle of the right side of this page, or just above it in the box, put in your email address so you can receive new posts by email.
